Week 30

I have hit Week 30. It felt like it took forever to get here and now there's only 10 more weeks to go.

This will be a whiny report so, if you are looking for jolly pregnancy stories, do check again in a few weeks.

I'm discovering, quite late, how some foods simply don't agree with me - mostly things that have gone through some form of fermentation process: cheese, tofu, yogurt. They make my stomach feel all queasy, but, thankfully, no vomiting. Spicy food also does not agree with me these days. I vomited after having my weekly prata a few weeks ago so I've sworn off roti prata for now.

I am now tired, tired and tired all the time. When the tummy is queasy, I would think that a good walk will work things out. Unfortunately, a short walk leaves me tired and breathless. I need to walk very s-l-o-w-l-y which is most annoying. And when I see a bench or a bus stop or anywhere where I can stop to rest, I will. I get THAT exhausted.

And, after walking from my mom's place to mine just now (The Husband asked a few times if I wanted to just cab it but I needed to calm my queasy tummy so I insisted on walking), I was so very spent. My muscles were aching - even in places I didn't know I had muscles. I just had to lie down by 7.30pm. But, I had to make sure I woke up less than 2 hours later. Otherwise, I'll wake up at midnight and will not be able to fall asleep til 4. Which was what happened a few nights ago.

Sleeping is not too easy these days. I take a long time to fall asleep and when I am finally asleep, I keep on waking up at all hours. I don't know if that is pregnancy-related or something else. Whatever it is, it is going to be difficult to wake up at 5.30am when normal working hours begin next month.

There is one other thing that's bothering me somewhat about this pregnancy. But, I'm not going to worry about it for now and will wait for the 32-week scan next month to ensure everything is okay.

So that's it. Week 30 and counting.

I'm so disappointed because...

...the lift won't be ready by January!

Months ago, when the lift upgrading programme started, I called the number given and asked when the expected completion date is. January 2009, they told me.

Being kiasu and excited and all, I called two more times and was told the same thing: January 2009.

This being very efficient Singapore, I naturally expected the lift to be completed by December, a bit ahead of schedule. I had visions of my very pregnant self waddling to the lift instead of struggling up the flight of stairs.

However, at this point, things still do not look complete. And so I called them again. This time, they told me: Oh, we've just revised the schedule last week and the lift in your block is expected to be ready sometime in the second quarter of 2009.

WHAT??!! That's anywhere between March to June. I would already have given birth by then and my pregnant self would have to go up the stairs throughout my entire pregnancy? Not even the possibility of a short reprieve towards the end of the pregnancy? Sigh.. I is very very sad lor.

It's the final week...

... before I go back to work.

I have enjoyed this short break. It was rather short, compared to what I used to get. But, in these tough times, I should not complain.

Talking about tough times, it is a wee it depressing reading/listening to the news these days. Everything is about yet another financial institution collapsing, how bad the situation will be, how we must all tighten our belts and on and on and on...

Sigh.

I suppose, in the next one to two years when I won't be drawing a salary, I should really, really cut down on my expenses - the biggest of which goes to transportation (which sounds really legitimate when I put it that way but not so when I spell it out as t-a-x-i).

Other than that, I don't think I am inclined towards big expenses. I have somewhat lost interest in bags (momentarily, perhaps?) and I am not really inclined towards the high life (other than good food but halal good food is, thankfully, not as easily accessible here as it is in KL so that doesn't really count). In other words, we should be pretty sheltered against this recession? God knows. Still, it's wise to cut down on unnecessary expenditure.

What a dreary topic that was.

Now, moving on to more exciting stuff. The Baby has a name! Heh heh heh. Must seek clearance from the higher authority (ie, The Husband) to announce the name to all. But, it will be revealed soon, if I have not already told you la.

And more about Huda's school - She's adjusting extremely well to school. Even the principal commented that the 2006 babies are adjusting well to school. Occasionally, she will protest about going to school in the morning but once in school, she'll be okay. She is eating well in school. She even takes her naps without complaining. This, after I regaled her teacher with all sorts of horrifying things that Huda would do to avoid naps. When I picked her up on the first day she stayed in school past naptime, the teacher told me that when Huda finished drinking her milk, she rolled over and fell asleep. No fuss. Saboteur or what?

And today, after her evening bath, I decided to give toilet-training another shot. And, oh my oh my.. She peed in the toilet three times!! Weeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! (Yes. Wee, indeed.) No accidents! (I was also inspired to do it thanks to that nasty nappy rash she had on our return from a trip up north.) The only problem is, she insists on pee-ing standing up. No squatting or sitting positions for my little miss.

That trip up north (where else but to KL) - I think there must have been about a million Singaporeans there last weekend. We kept on bumping into familiar faces. There were familiar faces that we planned to bump into but there were also a good number of familiar faces that we have not seen for years in Singapore.

We went to this swanky new shopping centre and they had clowns and other costumed characters. Huda was extremely scared of the clown. There is a word for people with a clown phobia but I'm just too darn lazy to click the next tab and do a search so I'll just call it clownophobia. Long ago, The Husband and I have decided not to invoke the bogeyman when it comes to disciplining our children. We have been successful - until three days ago. Our little clownophobic was behaving in the most unbecoming way and her uncle invoked The Clown. Immediately, she behaved and the time spent at the restaurant was most civil and pleasant, all thanks to The Clown. Will we use The Clown again? In most desperate of situations, if ever. But, we will use it very, very, very sparingly, I hope. 

I suddenly have lots to write about but gotta stop now cos I need to pee (the 745th time today).

(Psssst.. The date is wrong, okay? I wrote this last night, 16 December, but I wrote it over a draft I had written earlier. That's why the date for this entry does not quite correspond with the sequence of events. I know people will most probably not notice this but I am ngeow like that.)

Schoolgirl

My precious little one is now all grown up. Sob sob.

She started school on Monday.

She has been very excited about going to school as two of her cousins are there too and whenever her aunt comes over on weekdays and brings along only the wee ones, she realises that the missing older ones are at this place called school.

So, Monday morning came and she was jumping up and down chanting, 'Yay! Yay! Nak pergi sekolah!' (Yay! Yay! Going to school!)

She didn't cry one bit on Monday and Tuesday. On Wednesday, when I told her that I was going off, little tears started rolling down her cheeks. But, the moment anyone looked at her, she would quickly wipe them away. Once she started her breakfast and was occupied, I left. Sigh.

Her teachers say that she's adjusting well. She had three portions of rice on Tuesday and today, after one portion of noodles for dinner, she said, "I want some more." This had to be the influence in school! She's eating more and asking for seconds! Wow! She's also brushing her teeth on her own and does not have to be forced into it. Wow wow! As I have been picking her up before her naptime, I do not know how she will react when forced to take a nap. That, I'll find out tomorrow as I will only pick her up after her naptime tomorrow.

My only grouse is she may pick up bad language habits from her friends. (Not that she's speaking all that well in the first place.. Hahaa!) But, what to do.. I can't keep her isolated forever, right? We just have to model the correct use of Malay and English to her.

She seems happy enough there and I am 94% happy that we made the decision to put her in school.

A Face of My Life?

Help! Help! Help!

I am seriously addicted to the word games in faceb0ok. (I have very nerd-like interests. My name is so apt for me. My parents named me nerdirah, after all...) Previously, I would badger my sister to log into her account so that I could play scramble using her account. But, thanks to one terribly boring afternoon spent too long waiting for someone to be free, I decided to start my own account so that I could play the game on my own. And, oh dear, oh dear... I discovered more word games which I used to play on yahoogames.

What else do I think of facebo0k? I think it's frightening that sooooooooo many people are on it. What is the appeal of facebo0k, I wonder? Why isn't friendster as popular as facebo0k? Don't they serve the same purpose? 

In any case, I'm going to use this holiday to indulge in my addiction and hopefully, get sick of it before work starts again.

And, now, I got to go back to nursing my addiction. Tataa!

Woes of a Commuter

I am trying to cut down my expenses on taxi (which could reach up to the high hundreds in some months) and take other modes of public transport instead. But, my mood turns ugly each time I have to take the train during peak hours.

Do the people heading SMRT take the MRT regularly? Are they even vaguely aware of how long 6 minutes is during rush hour? What possessed them to think that it is even remotely acceptable to remove seats from trains and have standing-space-only carriages? Don't they realise that commuters prefer seats? If commuters do not prefer seats, explain why people are not standing when seats are available? Don't even get me started on the useless 45-degree bum rest they removed after complaints from the public. Gaah! Hate them!

I am so tempted to get a car - only thing is, I have neither the license nor the moolah. $2 COEs don't happen every month. I hate hate hate being held ransom by these providers of public transport!!!

Week 26 and Other Matters

I *think* I'm entering Week 26. (checks pregnancy calculator) Yup. Week 26, it is.

The pregnancy is going on smoothly. Baby is growing well. The last check-up shows that the placenta is still low. But, that's a small matter. I just have to ensure that I take all the precautions to avoid early labour. And, if it's still low at the end of the pregnancy, C-section it will be. But, it's okay. I'm not so bothered as to how the baby comes out. As long as she comes out safely.

My stomach is much bigger now than when I was about to deliver Huda. So, this explains why I can't eat much in one sitting. (I'm quite sure I talked about this before so I shall stop here about this one.)

This pregnancy has made my tastebuds extremely sensitive. Many types of food leave an unpleasant taste in the mouth. Mamee snacks, certain types of chocolates and biscuits, instant noodles, 3-n-1 tea mix etc etc.. Basically (I really hate using that word - basically), everything that is made using additives and preservatives and strange 'food' substances like glycerides and polyunsaturated vegetable oils etc etc. I suppose, this daughter of mine will have a preference for organic food when she starts eating.

Just like it was for Huda, The Husband and I still can't see eye-to-eye about the name for the second baby. I want Fxxxx and The Husband wants Nxxxxx. As usual, I told him that I would run to the baby-name-registering-office once the baby pops and with my placenta still dangling out but he reminded me that he gave in to me the last time. Heh. We'll see. Maybe, it will all come down to a game of scissors-paper-stone.

On to non-pregnancy related stuff... (I am extra chatty tonight because I'm supposed to do my w0r;k re\/i3w but as usual, I just can't bring myself to do it. I really hate doing those things. It's not that difficult but the mere thought of it puts me off.)

The Husband and I are in a sort-of dilemma. We are presently looking for a new place because we realise that while our place was cosy enough for the two of us, there's just not enough running space for the little ones. The problem is, we are looking for a place in only a few blocks and it should preferably be on the higher floors and it must be certain units. Given these specific requirements, our choices are very, very limited.

So, the dilemma is, should we do up the girls' room or not? Presently, Huda is still very contented to sleep on the mattress beside our bed. We do/did(?) have plans to kick her out move her to her own room soon. Because of the hunt for the new place, we are unsure if we should put in so much time and effort in doing up the girls' room only to use it for a few months (should our dream flat appears). But, there is also a possibility that we won't find the dream flat all that soon so, we need to move Huda and the little sister to their own room. What to do? What to do? Maybe we should also solve this problem with a game of scissors-paper-stone.

There is at least one more thing I wanted to talk about but, as usual, I can't recall what it is.

Now, on to that \/\/0rk r3v|ew... *big sigh*

 

An Evening with ---

There were no pyrotechnics, no fireworks, no fancy dance moves, no dancers, no confetti, no elaborate stage set-up.

But those were not necessary.

Because there was Anuar Zain.

It was almost surreal to see Anuar Zain live in person. I only managed to shake off that am-I-really-here feeling by the third song.

I was blown away by his perfect vocals. And The Husband (yes, he was beside me all along to make sure that I remember that I'm a married woman - heh) was just as enthralled by his voice. This despite telling me repeatedly before the concert began that he was going to fall asleep. He reached all the high notes effortlessly and he was pitch-perfect all the time. He sang with emotion and you can feel the pain when he sang Kembalilah Kasih, which he wrote to mourn the loss of a lady for whom he waited five years. *gulp* Five years. Imagine that. And all you get at the end of five years is news that this woman is marrying someone else. With a man like that, how can the ladies in the crowd not swoon?

He sounded so much better than on his CD (and he already sounds great on CD). I wished that I had an audio-recording device (heh heh - the ushers at Esplanade would have a fit) so that I could listen to his powerful vocals again and again and again...

Now, I can only hope that there will soon be a DVD of his concert released.

-

Acknowledgements: 1. Jiji & family for babysitting Huda;   2. The Husband - for the tickets, for the company and for enjoying himself and not falling asleep. :D

Duck

I don't want to waddle but I've got cramps on my bottoms and waddling seems to be the best way to walk.

Gaaah!

Week 23

TDF

That stands for too free. D stands for? This may be read by my children when they grow up so let's sanitise things a bit.

Yes,  yes. I'm too free today. That explains two blog entries within an hour.

I *think* I'm in Week 23.

This is just a little update about my pregnancy so far. The vomiting has stopped. Yayyy! But, this baby seems to be squeezing my stomach and so I can only eat a tiny amount each time because I feel extremely bloated after each meal.

Occasionally, I feel cramps especially in the lower abdomen area. I don't know if that's because of the low placenta but I have faith that the placenta will not be too low as the weeks go by. That's what the gynae says. I am trying to avoid carrying heavy things. By January, I should be able to avoid climbing stairs also because the lift in my block should be ready by then. So, when I'm heavily pregnant in January, I should be having an easier time.

The baby is moving about the tummy quite a bit these days. I can feel movements on the left and right and mostly nearer to the bottom, below my C-section scar. It's nice to know that the little one is having a whale of a time in there.

My stomach now is so much bigger than when I was 34 weeks pregnant with Huda. (That's not saying much because I barely had a tummy then. Haha!) So, I'm actually filling out some of my maternity clothes nicely.

Talking about maternity clothes - I really dont understand myself. I only need to wear maternity clothes for about 6 months at best but I have a lot more maternity clothes than I have nursing tops. I intend to nurse my child for about 2 years so it makes sense to have more nursing tops, doesn't it?

And, I gotta make a decision between CordLife and StemCord. Dunno which one to go for. I couldn't bank in Huda's cord blood because she was a preemie with IUGR. Hopefully, this one will be okay so there will be some cord blood to be stored as insurance.

Going to School

1 December 2008 will mark a major milestone in Huda's life.

She's going to school, at the ripe old age of 2 years 9 months.

Initially, my main motivation of sending her to school was to allow her to mix around with people her age. Then, my father fell ill and the need to send her to a school was even greater. Now that things have stabilised on the home front, she will be going to school mainly to socialise.

She will be attending a nearby childcare centre, a centre that my nieces and nephew also go to. Choosing the cc wasn't a difficult task. It meets almost all the criteria I have, not that I had many to begin with. It was not airconditioned and the same teachers have been there for many years. I would not want to send Huda to a cc where the teachers change every few months. It also helps that three of her cousins are in the same cc so she'll see familiar faces all the time.

I don't know who will be affected worse when she goes to school. Huda or her mother. I have a feeling that she will adapt to the new school easily (the school is not unfamiliar to her; we go there sometimes to pick up her cousins) but I will most probably miss her terribly. Sigh.

I think I have to start planning my December schedule so that I will be kept busy when she's at school. Cooking and baking, perhaps? *nervous laughter*

Week 20

What is it? What is it? It's a GIRL!

I'm now hoping for a healthy baby girl who's not a fussy eater. :)

The scan shows that our little girl is growing normally and is healthy. She was playing peek-a-boo with us during the scan and Huda enjoyed getting a sneak peak of her baby sister.

We asked Huda to suggest a few names for her sister, otherwise known as Baby Adik. These are her suggestions:

1. Lion

2. Rhino

3. Her grandfather’s name

 

---

Other W20-related stuff:

1. I'm feeling breathless a lot more frequently these days. Even after not-so-strenuous activities like scrubbing the toilet floor. (Seriously, not much effort is needed for that because out of all the house chores, scrubbing the toilet floor is the one thing that I do very, very regularly.)

2. The colostrum has started leaking. If this means that breastfeeding will be as easy this time round, then leak away! (Of course, nothing on the internet says that this is true. It's only a myth but it's a good myth.)

3. My placenta is low. According to the gynae, for 90% of pregnant women with low placenta, the placenta will move up as the baby grows bigger. But for the other 10%, the placenta will remain low til the end of the pregnancy so the baby has to exit via a C-section. The gynae told me to take some precautions; one of which is not to carry anything more than 10kg (that will be Huda). I've already done that since the beginning of this pregnancy. The problem of having a low-lying placenta is really nowhere near as bad as having intrauterine growth restriction, which was Huda's problem. As long as our little girl is healthy, I am happy.

4. Braxton-Hicks contractions have begun also, much to my annoyance. Is there a reason for these fake contractions? It hurts and it serves no purpose. Or does it?

5. I'm beginning to be able to take plain water more often these days. I better. The urine test shows that the glucose level in the urine is a +2. I don't exactly understand what that means but I know that it shows that there's some possibility of gestational diabetes. No!!! I'm already not eating all that much and I simply can't afford to watch my diet. The gynae told me to continue eating normally and see what the next test shows. If it's still positive, then she'll order a glucose test.

All righty. That's about it. I'm now entering Week 21. But I foresee that I'll be much too l/a/z/y to do updates. ;)

Some More Thoughts

1. My interest in crochet has been given a new lease of life. I realise that the crochet-ed tablecloth that was given to me is not quite the crochet-ed tablecloth of my dreams and before The Husband gets heart palpitations from my desire to get a new tablecloth, I might as well learn how to crochet, yes?

2. My house is still not Raya Ready despite this being the 5th day of Hari Raya. Hur hur hur. Well, to begin with, we were not in much of a celebratory mode considering that the patriarch of the family fell ill. The matriarch of the family made frequent trips to the hospital, leaving me to take care of the not-so-young younger siblings. And somehow, that pretty much dampened our intentions to spruce the house up (excuses, excuses - well, we weren't home most of the time, if that justifies our laziness..). I had plans before then, like getting some professional cleaners to do something to our once-upon-a-time off-white leather sofa (which is presently a cross between grey and brown), like cleaning the window grilles and getting rid of the mountains of lizards' poo on the window sills, like scrubbing the floor clean, like clearing out our bedroom-turned-storeroom and turning it into Huda's room, like like like...

BUT, my noble intentions remain as intentions. They have yet to be carried out (except for the kitchen window grille). When will the house ever be Raya Ready? (By Deepavali, I hope..)

3. Alhamdulillah, after everything that has happened, the patriarch of the family was discharged yesterday and is resting at home now. Thank you, all, for the prayers and kind words. Please, if you do have the time, make a do'a for his good health. Amin. Thank you.

4. Huda is interested in a doll now. This is the first doll that has held her interest for more than 28 seconds. She took it from her cousin's toy box on Friday and as of today, her interest in the doll is still strong. How strong? The doll goes everywhere with her. The Husband is most glad because he has always been concerned about Huda's lack of interest in girl-y things.

5. I am itching to get stuff (clothes, actually) for #2. But, the gender is not known yet and I have to resist the urge til 13th October when all will be revealed.

 

A Salty Story

We ran out of salt.

The Husband went to buy salt.

The salt was so white, so clean, not clumpy and each grain was of the exact same size. Too perfect?

Then, I read the fine print. Produce of China.

Errrr...

So, yesterday, The Husband bought another pack of salt. This time, the fine print is checked carefully. Made in Australia. Ok, pass.

Turning 30

Huda is 30 months old today.. She's a big girl now and here's a progress report on her for all those who are interested..

1. Does she throw tantrums? Oh yes. When she's scolded, she'll start to spit (euw!!), throw things on the floor or say 'Ep!' to the person scolding her. How, how, how do we stop this? We have tried reasoning with her, scolded her, smacked her.. But this behaviour still continues. Sigh. We can't possibly wait til she's older to reason with her. We need her to know NOW that her behaviour is unacceptable. How? How do you discipline your children? Does Supernanny's naughty corner work for 2-year-olds?

2. She's still shy around strangers. This is good. It makes her a lot more manageable when we are in a public place. Something about her really tickled me recently. We were at the hospital recently (visiting, not staying). A visitor dropped by. Huda took the 'Urban' section of the Straits Times, placed it on the floor, plonked herself in front of the papers and started to read the papers. Slowly she flipped to the next page and the next page. Then, when the visitor started to take notice of her, she bent even lower, pointed to the words on the papers (and her fingers actually moved from left to right, following the text), as if she was concentrating really hard on what she was reading. We laughed so hard at the sight but Huda was way too engrossed.

3. She is getting chubbier. Hooray! Everyone around her has been commenting on how there are more of her cheeks now. Yipppeeeee!!! She's drinking milk very often (Pediasure and Enfagrow - thanks for the recommendation Nani, Norza & Liza!) although when it comes to her main meals, it's still a bit of a struggle to feed her.

4. We still have not toilet-trained her. We'll wait til she turns three or during the end-of-year school holidays. We are simply l-a-z-y.

5. Her speech - This was one of our areas of concern for her. But, she has improved tremendously since I last wrote about her. She's now talking a lot. She is mostly a Malay-speaking child and we intend to keep it that way for as long as possible. At the same time, she is also aware that there are different words for the same thing but I am not too sure if she is aware that the different labels come from two different language systems.

Once, she asked for 'chox'. I had no idea what that was and I told her so. Soon, she was exasperated and asked for 'tetotin'. Ah! Enlightenment. She wanted socks and when I failed to understand her, she used the Malay word which is 'stokin'.

She's forming proper sentences too. She can join a few concepts together to form a coherent and grammatically sound sentence. At times, she has this strange quirk which surfaces when she's about to sleep. She will start off with one sentence, for example, "Umar (her cousin) baca Quran" (Umar reads the Quran). Then, she'll just change the subject of the sentence and she'll go, "Nabilah baca Quran; Sofia baca Quran; Cik Jiji baca Quran.." (The list goes on until she has covered every single member of her extended family.) It is strangely endearing yet annoying all at once because all I want to do is sleep yet she's going on and on and on and on like a broken record.

Her favourite phrase for now, unfortunately, is "Tak tahu" (Don't know). That, and "Tak nak" (Don't want). I have myself to blame because sometimes when she asks me a question, I'll just tell her that I don't know. So, now, I am always reminding myself to banish the phrase from my vocab and give her a proper answer each time she asks me a question.

As for "Tak nak", it's such a convenient thing for her to say. "Huda, help me pick up your toys." Answer: Tak nak. "Huda, do you want to eat?" Answer: Tak nak. "Huda, can you help me put this in the room?" Answer: Tak nak.

She can also sustain a conversation for a few turns. She is in love with cranes and excavators and one day, when she looked out of the window, she saw a crane.

Huda: Mak, apa tu? (Mak, what's that? - Sometimes, she asks me the obvious.)

Me: Crane (because I have no idea what a crane is called in Malay)

Huda: Ooooooohh.. Crane.

(pause)

Huda: Mak nak crane? (Do you want the crane?)

Me: Nak. (Yes)

Huda: Nanti Ayah belikan, okay? (Later, Ayah will buy for you, okay?)

6. And, of course, she's as active as ever. She climbs and jumps and falls and climbs and jumps again.

So, this is Huda at the ripe old age of 30 months.

Week 16

Week 16 I should not have had that orange juice for sahur just now. I should have stuck to my glass of Anmum. The orange juice is now dancing in my stomach and threatening to escape.

Week 17 Anmum! Only when I'm writing this did I realise I should have taken Anmum instead of plain water after sahur. Aiyaaahhh.. Somehow I've forgotten about Anmum. Plain water makes me feel queasy and somehow it will instigate the rest of the food in my tummy to escape.

The vomiting still continues. There are vomity days and there are okay days - these are days when I only feel like vomiting but didn't. It doesn't help that I've caught a cold. The coughing is quite bad. And a few times, I vomited all thanks to the incessant coughing.

Check-up this week shows that baby is growing well. Yayy! I'm actually a bit apprehensive before each scan because I've heard enough horror stories to have some unpleasant thoughts stored at the back of my head. So, each time I see the little kiddo jumping about in his/her little sac, I'll be so thankful, The gynae could not determine the gender just yet because the baby refuses to open his/her leg. So, could it be a girl? But, really, really, really.. I am not fussy.. Boy or girl, it doesn't matter. It should not matter.

My blood pressure was very low. 77/56. But the gynae said that low blood pressure is better than high bp. With a low bp, all I need to do is have more rest. I suppose eating more red meat will help too? Yes?

Week 18 What a busy, busy week this week was. The Big Exam is just tomorrow and the kids are oh-so-relaxed. Hari Raya was okay.

Today, the day after Hari Raya, my stomach is not used to eating in the day. I felt like throwing up after having a slice of papaya. I skipped lunch after the papaya episode. I don't wish to throw up at work. The toilet stinks. It induces more vomitting.

I think I felt movements made by the little kid. But, I'm not sure. I'm incredibly insensitive most times so I don't know if those movements I thought I felt were the little kid's or just my stomach doing its regular somersaults.

Week 19 I can't believe that it's already week 19. The vomitting, predictably, is still ongoing, around 2-3 times a week. Stomach discomfort also, as per normal. Still don't like the taste of plain water. But, the good thing is, I'm almost halfway through the pregnancy! Yippeee!!!!

I'm beginning to feel more movements coming from the baby. It's really nice to know that the baby is moving about actively.

As for me, I'm beginning to feel a lot more energetic than before. In the past few days, I have been walking to my parents' place instead of cabbing it (which is what I've been doing since I got pregnant - for that super-short distance, I paid up to $4.60 during peak hours).

Next week, I'll know the gender. Whatever it is, I hope we'll be able to raise the child well and that s/he will be a good Muslim, humble, smart, hardworking, has a high EQ...among other positive qualities. Amin.

 

Weak 12

Week 12 I think I jinx myself sometimes.

Each time I say that I'm getting better (trying to work on the positive thinking, y'see?), it'll get worse. So, this week, I'm a vomitty old woman.

I've been eating mee soto for lunch every day but this week, I just could not look at mee soto anymore. Just the thought of it sent me reeling to the toilet bowl. Eep.

Week 13 The baby looks good. S/he's 7.1cm now, right on track for a 13-weeker baby-in-the-womb. It pleases me to know that the baby is growing well, despite my losing 3kg in just 4 weeks. People who saw me recently noticed that my butts and cheeks are gone. Which is not such a bad piece of news if I were not pregnant. Unfortunately, this is not the time to lose weight. I'm lighter than my pre-pregnancy weight but I'm thankful that I was 45kg before I got pregnant. At least, I had some fats lying around somewhere and not the emaciated little thing I was some years back.

I also had a hormone jab on my right thigh which hurts like hell. The nurse warned that the jab was painful so I grit my teeth and clenched my fist when the jab was administered. After she withdrew the needle, I told her, a bit too cockily, "Not so painful leh." Then. the. pain. kicked. in. I thought I was going to be paralysed. There was a sharp pain in the area where the needle was inserted. And the pain spread rapidly. I hobbled out of the room and waited. Then I hobbled to the counter, clutching my poor right thigh. After that, I hobbled some more to the taxi stand.

Week 14 It's the beginning of Week 14 and I'm slowly crawling out of my era of morning sickness. Yesterday afternoon saw me with a queasy stomach and vomiting out foamy saliva. This morning, I vomited out 3/4 of my sahur. It's the first day of the fasting month today and I am not expecting much out of myself. If I can fast, I'll fast for the entire day. If I can't, I'll just have to break my fast earlier. During my first pregnancy, I managed to fast for the entire month except for one day when I felt exceptionally weak. Even then, the moment I broke my fast with a sip of water, the water came pouring out almost immediately. It was really pointless eating or drinking then.

But, each pregnancy is different and so is this. I feel a lot better this time round than my first. 'Better' is of course a relative word cos I know many people who are having a much easier time than me. But I should not complain lah. I must always remember my mother who had it bad 8.5 times.

Week 15 It's the end of Week 15. I wrote an entry for W15 earlier in the week and I was quite sure I posted it but it just disappeared. This week was another okay week. (Hooray!) I vomited again just now, though. I was at my table at work when suddenly I felt something rising up my throat. I couldn't make it to the toilet in time and thankfully, there was a sink in the office for me to expel the vile foamy saliva that bubbled up my throat. 2 weeks ago, I vomited on a Monday. Last week, it happened on a Sunday. And, as expected, today, Saturday, was the day I vomited. I thought that was all the vomiting that I would do but noooooooo... after I broke my fast, out came the chicken rice my sis-in-law prepared.

Tomorrow is the beginning of Week 16 and I should be very much in the second trimester. So, listen up my body: there will be no more vomiting and lethargy. Got it?

Some Thoughts

1. 9.69 seconds is the time I need to sit up from a lying-down position on the sofa.

2. 0.01 second? I can't comprehend such a tiny fraction of time because my life is presently in slow-motion.

3. Is it right to say that you've won a silver when actually you've lost the gold because you have already won the silver when you won the semi-finals. So, when you lost the finals, it should be lost a gold, shouldn't it? But, well, it's just semantics, I suppose.

4. Grrr.. I've been looking forward to the National Day Rally. But, I gotta wait til tomorrow 8pm. (Unless I manage to get info from someone I know who's now sitting in the audience in the rally.) Obviously, I'm dying to know what pro-family measures will be introduced. I have a whole lot of ideas. But, ultimately, I think there must be real work-life balance. I was surprised to learn of a Blue Sky policy which was supposed to ensure that civil servants leave the office by 6pm on Fridays. Hellloooooooo civil servants, do you leave the office by 6pm on Fridays?

For there to be more babies, people must have time to relax and unwind. I'm not just talking about married people here. People who are single must have time to go out, engage in acivities they enjoy and hopefully, meet the love of their life along the way. As long as people are married to their work, it is impossible for people to enjoy what life has to offer; not everybody meets their life partners while studying or working.

To start off, a 4-day work week is most ideal. But, even with the present 5-day work week, I know a good number of workaholics who go back to the office on Saturdays. How sad is that? I once had a supervisor who told me, "I don't work on weekends." If more people were to do this (me including), I'm sure the birth rate will go up. But how is this ever possible? We sometimes have impossible deadlines that require us to work through the weekends and the wee hours of Monday morning.

Then, I have many, many ideas about helping families through pregnancy and the post-birth period. But, I think I'll stop now because I'm feeling queasy. (Today was a vomitty day. So much for thinking that I was getting better towards the end of Week 11.)

Psst.. To my friends who are reading this and who are without multiply accounts (I think there are all of three of you.. hur hur hur..), I put up some pregnancy-related entries but I think you gotta have a multiply account before you can access those pages because I may have mentioned a thing or two about w0rk and you all know how touchy that topic can be with the very very big bosses so, I gotta monitor who does the reading for those entries..

Week 11

13 August 2008 This week 11 brings mixed feelings in me. A friend lost her baby at Week 13 and another one is nursing two ill children to good health. I can only pray for good health for them and I also pray that this child I'm carrying will be healthy.

(I am not one of those people who cannot hear bad news during pregnancy.)

15 August 2008 My first trimester is almost coming to an end. And, miraculously, my pregnancy is getting better. I managed to walk back from my mom's place this evening, saving me almost $5 in taxi fare (Yes, all the surcharges are freaking ridiculous). I was winded by the time I reached the foot of my block but I was still alive.

I'm still vomiting occasionally, most often in the morning. Yesterday, I vomited the instant 3-in-1 teh tarik I made. I'm learning to avoid food and drinks that cause me to vomit (rice and plain water mostly - and what I discovered yesterday - coffee creamer and instant 3-in-1 drinks, also yoghurt-based drinks and their family members - lassi and yakult, for example).

I'm still not eating the amount of food I used to eat in my pre-pregnancy days but I have faith that my appetite will come back and my stomach will soon expand to fit in more food (presently, it's the size of a walnut after the gastric juices have eaten up 90% of it). I'm also drinking only about 2-3 cups of fluids a day. I know it's not much but if I drink too much, I'll just end up vomiting everything out.

Not being able to drink plain water worries me a bit. Plain water has always been my drink of choice so I'm not sure if my body knows how to handle all the extra sugars I'm taking. I fear I'll develop gestational diabetes with all the sweetened drink. So, I dilute everything. Including milo. Imagine milo that comes in a pack. I'll pour a little bit of it into a cup and then add water. Sounds awful, doesn't it? At work, I'll drink soya bean and ask for lots of ice. I really, really hope I won't develop gestational diabetes because both my mom and sis had it during theirs. As it is, my appetite is not really that great and if I have to watch what I eat, that will just result in me not eating anything much. (It also doesn't help that I have a thing for durians these days - which is a very good yang food.)

Anyway, I foresee that I may not be writing much with regards to being pregnant in the next few weeks. I started off wanting to document each week because of my too-eventful first pregnancy. I wish I had a week-by-week account of what I felt and what I went through then. Unfortunately, all I did was diligently complained to a group of my lovely friends via email, which I have since deleted (the emails, not the friends). So, now that my pregnancy seems to be going on smoothly with no further complications (continue praying for this, y'all), there's really nothing much to say. (I'm not complaining lest I sound like I am.)

16 August 2008 I discovered that I should eat first before drinking. That will help line my stomach sufficiently and keep the vomitting away.

Ants Again

Urgh.

The ants are back.

Big black ants - the type that when crushed, you can hear their bones breaking. Sigh.

In my present state, I really don't have the energy to turn the kitchen upside down to find out where they have built their nest. (The Husband is not keen on doing the detective work. I gotta find their home, point it out to him, and the hero that he is, he will get rid of them.) I think I will just let them live freely for a few more weeks. Then, they'll be dead. DEAD. *insert evil laughter here*

(Of course, if you have quick solutions that will annihilate the entire population, your ideas are most welcome.)

Week 10

1 August 2008 Week 10 will officially start on August 3. I'm beginning to feel better. I have not vomited out any food for the last 2 days. This is my many, many prayers answered. Masya Allah. When I had Huda, I prayed that if being terribly sick for five months meant that I would not have a terrible time in my next pregnancy, then, let it all come. And came it did. Waves of nausea and an assortment of related illness. So, please please please please.. let my pregnancy be better this time round. Amin.

3 August 2008 I've reached Week 10 (only!) and I told myself some weeks ago that I will summon all my strength to send the morning sickness away by Week 10. Presently, there's some kind of fiesta in my stomach. Whatever I eat seems to be at the edge of my oesophagus, just waiting for a little opening to surge right out. If they are not there, they and some gastric juices are doing the conga all over my stomach.

8 August 2008 Just checked how many days I've been on medical leave and ~ horrors!! ~ 8 days!! Wah seh!! I think this is the most I've ever taken in a year. But, then again, this also included my one-week leave for my miscarriage early this year. Gaaaahh.. I still foresee more weak days ahead soooo...

The feeling of fatigue is also ever-present. This morning, I had to stand around for about one hour. And, did I feel exhausted after that! The good thing was, I didn't have to join in the loooooong walk that the rest of them had to do. The sweet kiddies did offer to carry me in a sedan chair. But, no thank you, hor? I've just scolded them yesterday (and the day before and the day before and well, the day before too..) and they might just tip the chair and there goes Madame N.

However, the situation with food is improving. There are still some food items which are okay-sometimes-and-vomit-inducing-at-other-times. But the safe bet is always on the noodles. Noodles agree very well with me but plain rice - EUUUUUUWWWWWW!!!! See? Just the mere mention of it caused by stomach to do a somersault. It also means that it's sometimes a bit difficult getting food because rice is, well, omnipresent. So, sometimes, I still have to nibble on it and hope it will not turn me into a merlion. (Unfortunately it will.)

My Brother's Wedding

This was the night of the solemnisation. I was half-dead (because I have not discovered the yang diet at that point) but this girl... she was very much alive.

I have about a million things to do now. Exam papers, among other things. But, the more work I have, the more I want to do things that I (lately) have no interest in doing. Like, updating photos. So, here are photos of the salmon-pink brigade on a Sunday not too long ago.

Week 9

24 July 2008 I just can't take plain white rice. It's okay if it's drenched in some kind of gravy. But, just plain white rice? No way.

26 July 2008 I saw the heartbeat today. The heartbeat was quite faint and wasn't as strong as Huda's when I saw hers at Week 8. The baby has grown and is now of the right size for a 9-week-old baby. (No, I don't call them foetus, no matter what.) 3 weeks ago, s/he was 4mm and was a tad bit too small. (I fell into some sort of depression then when I realised the baby was - again - too small but I didn't want to talk about it.) The gynae didn't want to give me the EDD then because it didn't match my last menstrual period. Now, the baby has grown to 25mm. Amazing. Expected delivery date is 1 March 2009. I've lost 2 kg and now weigh in at 45kg. It was great that I didn't try to lose weight after the miscarriage. Otherwise, I wouldn't have much to spare for this round. Because I didn't have any problems this time round, I can see what Liza meant when her friend said 'gynae with the lowest EQ ever'. My previous gynae would spend time to entertain my queries. This one seems to be in a hurry to rush me out now that I am problem-free. But, I don't mind this. I like a problem-free pregnancy and delivery.

28 July 2008 On medical leave again. This is my second Monday off in three weeks. I was vomiting too much, yet in between each session, I'd gasp to The Husband, 'Must. go. school. Must. pass. exam. papers. to. xxx.' The Husband took the day off so that he could send the exam papers while I vegetated on the couch. The doctor asked if I wanted a jab to stop the vomiting. But, I don't think so. The vomiting only stated again last night. And it's not as bad as my first pregnancy - as in, it has not lasted one entire week. So, I'll wait til I'm really desperate for a quick fix.

Reaching Week 8

16 July 2008 Miserable. I've been vomiting everything out since yesterday. Nothing stays inside. I'm exhausted from all the vomiting and my arms feel like lead. I can't even summon enough energy to pick up my pen to start marking. And then, there's the sudden tightness in the chest and quickening of the heartbeat. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh.

17 July 2008 Taxi fare's up again. I'm not made of money, LTA!!! I'm taking a taxi because I'm too weak to take the bus and MRT. Now, to go home from my mom's place at 6.30pm, it'll cost me a minimum of $4.20. Grrrr.

19 July 2008 Trying to be positive. So will write about happy things. The vomiting is still ongoing BUT it does not happen all the time. I need to eat a teeny eeny weeny little bit each time and everything will stay in. Alhamdulillah!! I'm also trying to eat more of yang food - which means heaty food. According to my sinsehs, yang food can help me up my energy level whereas too much yin food at this stage will make me weak. No wonder. I have been surviving mostly on fruit for the past 2 weeks and I've been soooooo lembik. So, now, it's time for more beef, fish and even durian which is so in season now. I MUST EAT - that's my mantra these days.

20 July 2008 My brother's wedding today. Yes. Another brother. Thank goodness the next in line to get married is only 19 so there's still 5-6 more years, the earliest, before another wedding takes place in the family. Anyway, I was telling my mother and my brother-the-groom that I would be an ineffective member of the wedding party as I would spend all the time lying down upstairs while the wedding reception's taking place downstairs.

But, ever since I started on this yang eating programme on Friday afternoon - which sees me forcing myself eat all sorts of food that's been classified as yang by my sinsehs - my energy level is on the rise! Miracles!! I've been praying for a miracle and this is it! I actually managed to join in the wedding festivities, welcomed guests with a big smile and talked to makciks and pakciks and et cetera and et cetera. Miracles! Miacles! Miracles! Alhamdulillah.

23 July 2008 The vomiting and the weak feeling come and go. Occasionally, I feel good. But there are times when I feel lousy, especially those times when I'm bent double over the sink. The vomiting is really not as bad as Huda's time - that was when I vomited everything out and this yang diet would not have worked at all. So, I'm counting my blessings, appreciating the fact that I can at least nibble on some food this time round.

An Hour, A Minute... A Second?

26 June 2008

My period which otherwise comes like clockwork is late. All my pre-menstrual symptoms did not appear this week. That will include the pimples which regularly pop in to see me one week before my period begins.

I'm feeling tired all the time now. I feel nauseous when I'm hungry. That is so strange. With Huda, I was nauseous all the time.

Am I?

I'm reluctant to take a pregnancy test. I think the test kits are overpriced and if it's negative, it's $15 all gone. And also, so that, if I were to have my period 2 weeks from now, I would not know that it was a miscarriage.

 

30 June 2008

My period is still not here. Not that I want it to come. I get pains similar to  gastric pains which make me wanna vomit each time I'm hungry. And I'm hungry every hour or so. Yet, in one sitting, I can't eat much. This is frustrating.

I feel tired. I could only stand up for 1 period in class just now. I spent the rest of the time sitting down and conducting lessons.

I still have not taken a pregnancy test. I know that this could very well be a severe case of stress. So stressed that pregnancy-like symptoms appear? Oh, no thank you. I don't need this kind of stress. But I do feel so stressed by work lately. I will NOT go there. I will NOT taint baby talk with talks of work.

Huda lifted up my t-shirt just now and patted my tummy and said, "Baby. Baby." After that, she treated my tummy like a kompang. Ouch.

I'm extremely hungry.

 

5 July 2008

So, it's true.  2 test kits showing 2 positive lines suggest that #2 is on the way.

I'm still hungry but eating everything results in me feeling queasy. The vomiting, however, is not as severe as that of Huda's time. But, it is still early days yet. I remember when I was about 6+ weeks with Huda, I told The Husband that all the vomiting is just in the mind because I managed to suppress them. The following week saw me bent double over the toilet bowl, retching my guts out. That's cockiness for you.

Based on online pregnancy calculators, this baby is due either on the 1st or 2nd of March.

And I've also made an appointment with a gynae. It's Tuesday, 3.20pm. The following day, I have a Big Thing at school so even if I'm issued with a one-month MC, I must go to school.

Now, I'm going to go through my mother's kitchen to see what little I can eat. I'm at my mom's place because The Husband is out and about running errands on this lovely Saturday. Which is normally what we'd do together with Huda in tow. But, I suppose, no more Saturday outings for the next few weeks. (I'm gonna channel all the positive energy I have to think that this morning sickness will end by week 10 or week 12, tops.)

Okay. Til another time.

 

6 July 2008

These gastric juices are too much. When I eat a tiny morsel of something, they wil go on overdrive and I will feel the sharp pains just mere seconds after I swallow the food. However, last night, The Husband grilled some steak and I had a tiny bit of it. I felt okay for minutes after and I thought, perhaps, meat is the answer. Maybe the gastric juices take a much longer time to break down a piece of meat. But, soon, came the sharp pain. :( So, I figured, I need to eat something else - something that will keep the gastric juices occupied for a lot longer - like a piece of Lego or something.

 

14 July 2008

On medical leave today. Uweek.

Dear Good Government,

In your new-improved package to make people procreate even more, can you please include a one-month leave for women in their first trimester? I feel so lembik these days.

 

------------

There. I am indeed pregnant. Alhamdulillah. Please keep me in your prayers. Pray that I'll have a smooth-sailing pregnancy and a healthy baby. Amin.

Soon

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.  - Oscar Wilde

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now that my break is coming to an end, the desire to be a sahm gets stronger.

But my (sometimes misplaced) sense of responsibility is too strong for me to simply leave now.

Sigh.

World Without Strangers

I love the holidays.

With quite a few of my friends in the same profession, we often try to squeeze meet-ups during this season. And those who are doing something else will try to take half the day off to meet up.

Today I met up with my singleton friends. And looking at Huda's antics, one of them has sworn off parenthood. The jury's still out for the other two.

What did Huda do?

1. Drink water. Hold it in her mouth. Spray it back into the cup. And continued drinking from the same cup.

2. Dipped tissue paper in the cup. Used dripping wet tissue to wipe glass panels. And continued drinking from the same cup.

3. Used cup as a receptacle for chicken bones. And continued drinking from the same cup.

4. Climbed the partition separating us from the next table. Spied at the food on the next table and wanted whatever they were having.

And et cetera and et cetera...

One of them tried staring Huda down but, strangely, Huda would only be quiet for three seconds. Maybe Huda sees a gentleness about her. Hahaaa! The other one tried his frightening 'teacher glare' on Huda and it worked on her for about five seconds.

What does all this mean? It means Huda is not all that fearful of strangers anymore. Oh no. I'm sure it's good news but, you see, it means I have to work so much harder to contain Huda when we go out.

Ooops

I knew that my practical driving test was sometime in end April or end May. But work was complete madness in those few weeks with so many deadlines to meet and I had a nagging suspicion that I was going to miss my test.

Finally, today I steeled myself and logged on to bbdc. Here's what I found:

Test Date	Session	Warm-up Time	Test Time	Car Model	Test Type	Att	Result	Inst. No.
26/1/2008 Sat (Road)	1	08:25	08:25	P	P3	-	F	8888
6/5/2008 Tue (Road)	9	16:30	16:30	P	P3	-	A	8888

Oooops. It's over!

So, I will be good this time round and sign up for practical driving lessons with the school because I think I should be able to get an earlier date if I sign up with the school. I think I shall do all these on Tuesday.

Does anyone know how it works if I learn from the driving school? Do I need to go through everything from scratch and take a certain number of lessons before I can sit for the test? If it's going to be so, I may just go back to my old instructor but I have to be a lot more disciplined in going for lessons.

Diaries

I used to write almost-daily journals in those big corporate diaries that my father would receive mountains of at the end of every year. I would take one and use it for my journal. I wrote everything that happened to me that day, much like what blogs are to almost everyone today. Only difference is, my journals were for my eyes only so the writing was a lot more honest and raw. (Not that blogs are dishonest. It's just that once you are writing for an audience or the possibility of one, your writing will take a different slant and you may have to slash and burn or sensationalise depending on what your target is.)

A few days ago, my sister opened the top part of what-was-once-my cupboard and (thankfully I was there) found two diaries that belong to me, among many other stuff that I have conveniently forgotten about.

One diary was from the year 1988. I was in Primary 5 then. The other diary was from 1994. I was entering a new phase of life, having just completed my O levels and starting a new life in  JC. I took the 1994 diary away from my sis before she managed to open it.

My 1988 diary was so hilarious! I was studying in Jin Shan Primary School, a school which no longer exists. I wrote about my classmates and I truly hated the boys in my class. There was a boy who threatened to pull my hair out if I attended a certain function and apparently I also threatened to pull his hair out. I knew that I could not and should not sing in public even way back then. Hahahaaa! Growing up, I was very careful about the words I used. A lot of words were taboo to us, even words like 'stupid' and 'die'. Whenever my siblings and I played some games where we would shoot each other to death, I would say, "XXX dah aaaaaaaak." Aaaaaaaak means that the person has died; the assumption is when the person is shot (to death), he'll shout "aaaaaaaaaak" until he falls dead. My mom had a stillbirth in that year and I wrote, "My youngest brother aaaaaaaaaaak."

1994. My handwriting was significantly better. There were entries evey day except for the few weeks leading to the Promos (that's another word that I've just re-acquainted myself with - Promotional Exams, to ensure that we know enough to get us promoted to Year 2). Schoolmates, once again, figured greatly here. It's such a pleasure to read about the beginning of friendships with so many people whom I'm still friends with til today. Then there are friends whom I'm no longer in touch with. That just means that this holidays, I will be doing something that I used to do before life got busier (ie, I started working).  I'm going to write letters!! My younger sister was asking me why I did that. Weren't all my friends in Singapore? Yup. They were. But I just love writing letters and receiving replies. To me, receiving emails will never ever be the same as receiving letters. And you know that the energy invested in letter-writing is also not the same as that involved in emailing. It's just .. different. Back to 1994. There were many, many cringe-worthy reads but still, it was such an interesting year in my life and although part of me wished that certain things had taken a different course, another part of me understood why that was so. Am I cryptic or what. I will not be able to understand what I'm writing about when I read this a few years from now. Teehee!

After spending one night reading my diaries and reminiscing and reviewing a short history of my life with The Husband, I googled those I'm no longer in touch with to find out where they are. One has set up her own company, one has moved to Perth, another one shaved his hair for Children's Cancer Fund and quite a few are completely ungoogleble.

All righty. That's all for tonight!!

(Psst.. I have a pile of work to do but.. ummm.. tomorrow's another day, isn't it? Heh.)

 

At 26.5

Huda is now 26.5 months and I have not written much about her lately. So here's her progress report (which I planned to do since last year) .

Hmm. Where shall I start? I think I shall write whatever comes to mind but do note that I cannot gush about my own child in public. I have that asian parent mentality - whatever that is. (I created that term myself so congratulations if you can accurately figure out what my big problem is.)

Huda is a happy child. She does not tell me that but I assume so from her actions. 

She's comfortable being with familiar people. In such situations, she will touch everything, run about, climb, blabber, make a mess and all other normal toddler-like actions. She's still the same in unfamiliar surroundings as long as familiar people are with her. But when someone new appears, she will grab my legs and hide behind them. She normally needs about one hour to get used to new people. That, I don't mind. Because it means she's a lot more manageable when we visit someone's place. Imagine the headache I'll face if all she wants to do when we reach someone's house is run run ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuun!

Huda cries when she doesn't get what she wants and when she's tired but still refuses her nap. I think that's the same for almost all kids. Sometimes, however, she'll throw tantrums when scolded. Her caregivers (her grandparents and all members of her grandparents' household) and her parents have absolutely no qualms scolding her when she has done something wrong. When she's scolded, she'll do any one of these three things.

a.       Try to change the subject by asking for 1) milk; 2) water; 3) any random family member who’s not at the scene of the crime

b.       Throw her toys onto the floor which will get her an even bigger scolding

c.       Run to me and hug me or hang on to my leg if I’m standing and ignoring her (this happens a lot if I’m the one doing the scolding)

 

She's saying a lot more words now. She surprised me a few weeks ago when she pointed to a man jogging and said, "Joo-ging." Ah. It's good to know that pointing out to what people are doing and telling her the names of the actions repeatedly work. She's also (finally!) forming 3-word sentences and sometimes 4-word sentences. We have not heard any 5-word sentences so far. She's mostly a Malay-speaking child because we are trying very hard to speak Malay to her. We believe that living here in Singapore, it is easier to pick up English than our own mother tongue. But that doesn't mean we don't speak English to her. It's just that we speak Malay to her a lot more. We are trying to develop good language habits in her. When we speak to her, we try not to codeswitch between languages.

We hope that growing up, she will be effectively bilingual.

 

She is now more interested in people in her age group. When we reach her grandparents' place on Sundays, she will immediately join all the little people and run around with them. She also has an (unhealthy - according to her father who now has to revise his earlier decision not to allow Huda to talk to boys til she's 40) interest in a boy called James. James is a 4-year-old boy who lives in the next block. Almost every evening, he will be playing at the open space in front of his block with his younger brother and father. Every day, as we walk home and are about to reach our block, Huda will start asking me, 'Mana Chem?' (Where's Chem? - her best pronunciation of James' name) But when she sees James, she will just stare at him while James asks me many questions about Huda. Once we are some distance away from James, she will wave and shout out, 'Bye Chem!' Sheesh. I don't understand. She also likes Jie Jie and Mei Mei from next door. She often rushes to the door when she hears them coming home and will sometimes blabber with 3-year-old Jie Jie.

 

She's now drinking Pediasure and Friso. I'm not comfortable giving her Pediasure alone because Pediasure is not milk. The first item in the ingredients list is corn starch. I will have to rethink giving her Friso because Friso uses skimmed milk - which is not what I want her to have if I'm trying to fatten her up. I'm looking for milk which uses milk in its entirety, not throwing out the fatty bits. Any suggestions?

 

Eating is still a challenge. It's difficult trying to figure out her pattern. One Saturday, I made french toast topping it with cheese and she ate one entire slice of bread. The next Saturday, I made her the same thing and she only ate the cheese. Sometimes, she only has half a tablespoon of rice for dinner. I've even tried force-feeding. It works sometimes but doesn't work most of the times. She doesn't even like transfats-laden fries which out of desperation, I plied her with. I suppose, I should take that as good news.

 

She enjoys playing Lego and doing puzzle board games. She has no interest in dolls. Ocassionally, she likes her teddy bear. Her kitchen set is real cos she is allowed to raid two drawers in the kitchen. Once, one Lego block was thrown just outside our front gate. She ran to the kitchen, took a ladle and tried to scoop the Lego back into the house.

 

She loves balloons. We are in for an eardrum-piercing time if she sees another child with a balloon and she has none. I love going to shopping centres on weekends because there's always a balloon giveaway. We are now smarter. We have at least one balloon (defllated, of course) in our bags just in case some random kid happens to be carrying a balloon and we can't detect the source of the balloon.

 

Okay. So that's Huda for now. Of course, there's a lot more about her that I've not written about. I hope I'll write them down as soon as I remember them so that I'll have a snapshot of Huda at this stage in her life. And in years to come, she'll be able to read this and find out what she was like when she was a wee little girl.

A Lot of Everything

1. Sometime last year, I received the very pleasant news that one of my friends is pregnant. And now, she has just given birth! Yayyy!! Her pregnancy was fraught with complications and so was the birth but both mom and babe are doing well now. Welcome to the world, Shin Ee!

2. I'm growing old. It's confirmed. In this hot, hot weather, I need cold drinks. (Who doesn't?) I don't normally drink cold drinks. My drink of choice is plain water, at room temperature.

Yesterday, I had a glass of cold water and there was a piercing pain (what's the english equivalent of ngilu/nyilu - heck - i dont even know how it's spelt in malay) around my front teeth. I've got sensitive teeth!! Gaaaah!! How did that come about? I last saw a dentist end of last month and she *ahem* praised me for my good dental hygiene.

A quick search on the net shows that applying too much pressure while brushing is the main cause; it cause the gums to recede. The solution is to use a softer toothbrush and toothpaste for sensitive teeth. A change in toothpaste, I can handle. But a softer toothbrush?? I've always liked my toothbrush hard (don't you perverts dare try read too much into this) and the pressure I apply is about the same amount I use to scrub the toilet bowl. I might as well use a piece of cloth to gently wipe my teeth. Oh heck. I should also put up a poster in my mouth to welcome all forms of bacteria and plaque.

3. The head will come and look at me do my work this Thursday. Gulp. I very scared.

4. My grandmother is coming to Singapore this June. Yayy!! These past few years, she shuttles back and forth between her kampong in Melaka, her sons' homes in KL and us in Singapore. She's a very old lady now; age has caught up with her. She walks with a hunch, which Huda likes to imitate. Huda enjoys her company and I hope she enjoys Huda's company too. I must say that Huda makes her work up quite a sweat. There was once when Huda climbed up the dining table, which normally does not raise even an eyebrow among those who see her often. But my poor grandmother, who takes a long time to get from the bedroom to the living room, just zoomed from the sitting area to the dining table in a flash. I kid you not. In a flash. I just saw a blurred baju kurung zooming past me.

5. I had an amazing time catching up and chatting with my gal pals some Fridays ago (minus husbands and kids). It has been so long since I last caught up with them. It was fun fun fun!!! Considering that most of us are now reined by kids and can no longer go out without a single care in the world, the fact that we stayed out til amost midnight was almost a miracle.

6. We have a new camera and it's a Canon!! Yippeeee!

7. All right. I think that's all for now. I'm going to brush wipe my teeth and decide what to do this Thursday.

Oh Lizzie Dear!

When we first moved in some five years ago, we noticed a lizard problem. So, we had a fly swatter (or three) in every room, located conveniently so that we would only need to stretch to arm ourselves with that weapon of ultimate destruction.

Somehow, after some time, our interest in lizards waned and the fly swatter, once battered beyond redemption, got disposed off and not replaced.

Until a week ago. I noticed three huge lizard shit in the kitchen, just millimetres away from each other. I am very sure that the shit-owner had considered that space his toilet. So, I placed two sticky pads on the wall above the shit hoping that the rude lizard would get stuck and I imagined myself laughing at it as I throw the sticky pad and the stuck starving lizard down the rubbish chute. A week later, still no lizard on sticky pad.

Yesterday, The Husband was changing Huda in the room and I closed the door. Huda pointed at the door and said, "Ti-tak. Ti-tak." Cicak. Malay for lizards.

I looked at the direction she was pointing at and saw a huge mother-of-all-house-lizards staring at me. I shouted at my brother, who just so happened to be in the living room, to get a fly swatter for me. He took quite a while to find one and eventually emerged with a fly swatter that had definitely seen better days.

I whacked it, but the fly swatter failed me. (Or really, honestly, I just couldn't aim despite having that offending creature exactly in front of me, at eye level.) The lizard jumped off and both my brother and sister were shrieking too much to notice which way the lizard went.

Twenty minutes ago, I was about to iron some clothes when I saw a lizard. Not the same one I attempted to kill yesterday. This one was smaller. A teenage lizard. Thankfully, the fly swatter was within reach and I managed to whack it. It played dead for a few minutes. I went out to get something and when I came back, it had moved. Stupid. I whacked it mercilessly and threw it out of the window so that its remains could at least be of some use to the grass and trees outside.

Tomorrow, I'm getting more fly swatters.

And, I have tonnes to write about my life and that great weekend I had last week but I don't know why those entries are still not created yet. ;P

(Pssst. Aili, I was thinking of you each time I think of/see lizards. Hmmm.. not such a great connection, huh?)

Ah Pui

Finally, somebody commented.

"Are you wearing a smaller top or have you put on weight?"

I've put on weight.

I've known it ever since I went back to the working world. Clothes that have served me well for donkey years are getting a bit tight around the tummy area. New pants had to be bought urgently as the old pants were threatening to split at the seams any time.

Unfortunately, when it comes to acquisition of new tops, I'm a bit of a fusspot and now that I have a new criteria - must be loose around the tummy - it's tougher getting tops for work. As a result, occasionally, those old tops had to be worn, making me look somewhat like a dumpling.

On one hand, I want to lose the extra weight I've been carrying. But, on the other hand, I would need that extra weight to see me through the first months of my next pregnancy. 

Sigh. What's a woman to do in these times? (Get a corset?)

Woes of A Working Mom

I've always had this problem when assigned a task. I will have a strong compulsion to carry out the task to the best of my ability even if it means that I have to sacrifice sleep and social life to complete it. 

It wasn't much of a problem when I was single. With no commitments, sactifices are easy to make. And even when I was married without children, The Husband understands that there are busy days and that there will be relaxing days.

Sometimes, even if I have a team of people to complete the task with me, I'd rather do most of the work myself than try to cajole unwilling and reluctant people into doing the work. People say that good leaders are those who are able to delegate tasks. I know I'm not (able to delegate tasks so I am a...)

I've never really minded doing more than my fair share. When the job is done, I'll feel satisified that it's a job well-done. But more important than that, I'll be able to sleep peacefully at night knowing that a responsibility given to me has been carried out well.

And that's exactly the crossroads I'm facing now.

The biggest responsibility that has been bestowed upon me so far is motherhood.

Up till now, I still cannot resolve the fact that my parents are taking care of Huda while I go to work. They are the ones who are practically raising Huda because they are with her throughout most of her waking hours.

Another issue I'm facing is guilt. My parents are not supposed to be doing this. They should be enjoying their retirement days. They have never once complained to me but I feel really bad that they now must plan their schedule around my schedule. (I have a huge guilty conscience so I feel bad about almost everything(!!) - really a huge impediment at times.)

At work, I have 38 children to take care of and no matter what happens, they absolutely must pass their English by the end of this year. Presently, they are U-graders. I am responsible towards them too.

And I don't know how long I can sit on the sidelines at work and watch and duck as others rush for meetings and special projects and more additional responsibilities. I have this nagging  feeling that perhaps soon, the arrows will land on me. (I have been told that those who take the graduating classes are offloaded significantly but, really, one can never be too sure..)

These are the issues that I've been thinking about.

In essence, how can I do my very best for my little girl if I'm still working?

I ask myself these questions regularly:

Why am I still working? To enjoy maternity benefits. To save more money. To make sure that I have a healthy CPF account. (Honestly, other than #1, the rest are not really very attractive reasons. By the way, no, I'm not pregnant yet. I'll be able to start trying again next month and will inform everyone after I've reached Week 8.)

I really can't continue being a full-time working mom for long. It's just tearing me apart. I know that my idyllic days at work are going to end sooner or later (let's pray for later).

Me & Computers - Not Friends

I no friend you, you schewpeed computer!!!

Okay. So I had to redo half the stuff I was preparing on Sunday night. Fine.

Today*, I wanted to print it out at work. The first paper - okay. Second paper- okay. Third document - Microsoft Word shut down on its own. (*If you are interested in the nitty-gritty, it was actually due Monday but Monday, I had to stay home to look after a sick child.)

Strange. I tried again and again. Again and again, MS Word got into the auto-recovery mode and shut itself down.

I restarted my laptop and used a colleague's laptop. Her laptop couldn't read my thumbdrive.

I went back to my own laptop and tried printing it again. And the same problem of auto-recovery shut down happened.

I went to another colleague's laptop, the same thing happened.

I called the Tech Guy. Tech Guy came, fiddled around with the laptop for some 20 minutes. Still, the problem persisted.

I called my supervisor who then suggested I go to her work station to get it printed. Same problem.

By then, I had spent one good hour of my life trying to print one document. I decided to go home and try printing it from home. The Tech Guy did say that I might have to retype everything because copying and pasting it on another document resulted in the same problem.

Sigh.

So, now I'm at home. I've re-typed it. Like Kailing suggested, I pressed Ctrl-S every few seconds. Never mind that that just about destroyed any momentum I had.

Now, just after I pressed Ctrl-S for the last time, the entire page hanged.

I'm quite sure that my thumbdrive, the one and only place where I have this document (because I was only planning to make a back-up after I pressed Ctrl-Shole for the last time), will burst into flames or something - looking at how things have progressed for me so far. 

A Long Night Ahead

I have something due tomorrow.

I could have finished it much earlier but Huda woke up at 9.30pm and I only managed to put her back to sleep at 11pm. So, for the past hour, I was furiously trying to keep sleepiness at bay while finishing the work.

A few minutes ago, I completed it and closed the word document.

BUT, instead of clicking yes to save, somehow, I clicked no.

I just finished banging my head against the wall some 2 seconds ago.

WHY????! WHY????? WHY???????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-------------------------------------------------------------

Epilogue

Now, almost two hours later, I was closing this window and that. I have finished everything - more or less (but more to the less).

And then, history almost repeated itself.

I clicked that dastardly X in the corner.

"Do you want to save the changes to WWWWW?"

Tired, sleepy and cranky, I did not register those words and almost, almost clicked No again.

But, heng ah. I woke up from my daze in time to avert yet another possible disaster.

Ah?

Huda has decided that her bear and balloon are Chinese.

She insists on calling the bear Ah-Bear and the balloon Ah-Be.

(-:

From February to March

Lele is a very, very smart girl. She can have proper conversations with her parents and she says all her words very clearly. She's also going to conduct courses on how to prevent bullying in school. Hehe..

It's the term break but this has got to be the busiest term break of my life. With only a one-day break, I tried to squeeze in as many activities as possible but I could be a lot less ambitious. I failed to do the one thing which I normally do during the break - a complete clean-up of the humble abode. So our third bedroom remains a store room and toys and dust continue residing harmoniously under the sofa. Lizards will have no trouble identifying the window sills as their poo-poo area. The community of ants which are back in the kitchen can continue their freeloading ways; no rent charged.

And these are pictures from last month to this month. We haven't been taking that many pictures of late because we are not really fans of our Casio camera. I prefer the Canon Ixus that we lost. But, really, those are just excuses. We are just lazy.

And do forgive the highly unimaginative captions. Creativity is not my thing.

First Quarter Over

1. It's about time for me to update and tell everybody that I'm still alive.

2. I've been busy, busy, busy and it looks set to get worse in the coming months.

3. My plan to meet up with various people this one-week break seems bleak. Each day of the week sees me back at work.

4. Early this evening after work, The Husband and I reached the MRT station almost at the same time. So, we decided to have a quick dinner at Causeway Point before picking up the Little Girl. A meal together without the Little Girl is not a frequent happening. We missed her by the time our meal came to an end. (Note: NOT during the meal)

5. Means Testing: Okay lor. At least I'm still subsidised if I choose C class.

6. My command of my own mother tongue is deteriorating. It was never that great to begin with but it has steadily declined. My aim is to achieve a standard like this. I can dream, can't I?

7. JJ AVAC!! Have you seen this video? I am impressed beyond words.

Chocolate Monster

"Huh? What did I do?"

Ketulusan Hati

A few years ago, I saw Anuar Zain on TV doing a Hari Raya show on Suria.

Immediately, I joined his legions of fans.

I have never really been a fan of any singers/groups etc so this was new territory for me. Errr... okay. There was Clay Aiken. I called myself a Claymaniac and The Husband just shook his head but still indulged me and bought me his CD. That lasted about a year or so.

Stil, Anuar Zain has got to be my longest-lasting interest.

And when I said I melted watching him on TV, this is why:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O5TeuJ1ucEY

(Psst.. You can skip the banter between Anuar Zain, Najip & Has and go straight to 3:02.)

*swoons* 

Stories from The First Month

I am, of course, supposed to do something else now. Now that I'm back at work, I hardly have time to blog. (I much rather spend whatever little free time I have perfecting my Desktop Towers points. Yes, I'm still addicted to that game. Gaaaah!!)

Just to summarise the events of my life thus far:

1. Going back to work was daunting. Very daunting. For the first three days, every morning was spent sobbing away. On some days, Huda woke up just when I kissed her goodbye and she would cry and so would I. Those days, I boarded the feeder service to the MRT station with red, puffy eyes. Then, when I talked to my colleagues about parting with the little girl, tears welled up in my eyes. Sigh.

2. By Friday of the first week, the stress of going back to work must have got to me. I went to the toilet and saw blood. Just a week earlier, I saw 2 lines on the pregnancy test kit. I had a miscarriage. :( I was a complete wreck for the first week. I actually saw myself going through the five stages of grief. (I hate it when social scientists manage to point out human behaviour with great accuracy.) I'm normally a positive person so the self-blame, anger and more self-blame were not very me. Eventually, I decided that I've just experienced a loss (even if the baby in the womb is only 6 weeks old) and I should mourn my loss, no matter how small it is. So, I spent a few days not trying to suppress the grieving and was fine about 2 weeks later.

3. And last week, I lost my phone at the pasar malam beside Causeway Point. It either fell to its death (not likely cos I would have noticed it) or was stolen from my bag. I was carrying Huda in front in the baby carrier and on my shoulder was a shopping bag which contained a loaf of bread, butter, some vegetables and snacks. So, you can imagine how big the opening of the bag is. After using the phone, I threw it back inside the bag. Then, The Husband who was waiting for me at the MRT station called me repeatedly. I didn't hear it ring but I attributed it to the loud ambient noise. (I have a tendency to use words whose meanings I'm not 100% sure of. I assume 'ambient' means surrounding. :P) In the bus on the way back, I realised my phone was not with me. The Husband called my number and was diverted to the voicemail. Damn the #%*& who took my phone. I hope they'll develop huge warts on their noses which can never be removed.

4. I failed my practical driving test. But, having had so many losses this month, failing a driving test is nothing.

5. On a positive note, it was a euphoric moment when I saw Anuar Zain on TV singing Ketulusan Hati. I'm playing the CD (which my indulgent Husband bought for me last month) over and over again now. *melts*

Priceless

Aili blogging about the priceless gifts she received from Edna reminded me of something similar.

Some 2 years ago, when I was stuck in the labour ward for a week, my then 4-year-old nephew, Azhad, drew a picture of The Husband, me and the unborn Huda and wrote a message below it: "We pray that Cik Ira (that's me) and Huda will be safe."

When The Husband brought the picture to me (strictly no visitors in the labour ward other than the spouse), I asked the nurses for some tape and stuck the picture on the cupboard beside my bed. I constantly looked at the drawing throughout my stay in the hospital.

Fast forward 2 years later, I was again in hospital and my now 6-year-old nephew brought me another picture.

These drawings are things money can never buy and at this stage in life when we can buy almost anything we want, priceless gifts like these are the best. 

:)

 

An Empty Womb

Monday, 31 December 2007

2 lines! 2 lines! Alhamdulillah! The bloatedness and the constant burping over the past 2 weeks had to mean something.

 

Friday, 4 January 2008

Blood. "This is the end of my pregnancy," I thought.

But, after some 3 hours, I decided to go to KK. Yingchia's call gave me hope. She had the same thing at the beginning of her pregnancy and she's 4 months along now. "We have hope," I told The Husband.

Hospitalised. Doctor couldn't see the sac. Could it be because I was only 6 weeks pregnant? The baby's in there somewhere, I was so sure. But blood tests showed a declining hormone level.

I've had a miscarriage. It's confirmed.

    ~~~

For the first 2 days of so, I was calm. Strangely so. The Husband was terribly affected the night I was hospitalised. I told him that this is Allah's will. He has a reason for this, I'm sure. And we have to be grateful that the miscarriage happened in the 6th week. Not after we've seen our baby's heart beating.

But, by Sunday evening, as the world around me slept, I started to reflect on the events of the past week and I wondered if I could have avoided the miscarriage.

One gynae told me that the next time I'm pregnant, I should see her immediately and she would start me on a course of medication to thin my blood. My previous pregnancy, I had a problem with resistance in the vein that supplies blood to the placenta, probably because my blood was too thick?

After the miscarriage, I started reading a lot of online articles to understand what happened. A few articles mentioned that if the blood passed out has lots of clots, the patient must take aspirins or similar medications which can thin the blood.

Had I seen a gynae immediately, would I have been able to avoid the miscarriage?