Stories from The First Month

I am, of course, supposed to do something else now. Now that I'm back at work, I hardly have time to blog. (I much rather spend whatever little free time I have perfecting my Desktop Towers points. Yes, I'm still addicted to that game. Gaaaah!!)

Just to summarise the events of my life thus far:

1. Going back to work was daunting. Very daunting. For the first three days, every morning was spent sobbing away. On some days, Huda woke up just when I kissed her goodbye and she would cry and so would I. Those days, I boarded the feeder service to the MRT station with red, puffy eyes. Then, when I talked to my colleagues about parting with the little girl, tears welled up in my eyes. Sigh.

2. By Friday of the first week, the stress of going back to work must have got to me. I went to the toilet and saw blood. Just a week earlier, I saw 2 lines on the pregnancy test kit. I had a miscarriage. :( I was a complete wreck for the first week. I actually saw myself going through the five stages of grief. (I hate it when social scientists manage to point out human behaviour with great accuracy.) I'm normally a positive person so the self-blame, anger and more self-blame were not very me. Eventually, I decided that I've just experienced a loss (even if the baby in the womb is only 6 weeks old) and I should mourn my loss, no matter how small it is. So, I spent a few days not trying to suppress the grieving and was fine about 2 weeks later.

3. And last week, I lost my phone at the pasar malam beside Causeway Point. It either fell to its death (not likely cos I would have noticed it) or was stolen from my bag. I was carrying Huda in front in the baby carrier and on my shoulder was a shopping bag which contained a loaf of bread, butter, some vegetables and snacks. So, you can imagine how big the opening of the bag is. After using the phone, I threw it back inside the bag. Then, The Husband who was waiting for me at the MRT station called me repeatedly. I didn't hear it ring but I attributed it to the loud ambient noise. (I have a tendency to use words whose meanings I'm not 100% sure of. I assume 'ambient' means surrounding. :P) In the bus on the way back, I realised my phone was not with me. The Husband called my number and was diverted to the voicemail. Damn the #%*& who took my phone. I hope they'll develop huge warts on their noses which can never be removed.

4. I failed my practical driving test. But, having had so many losses this month, failing a driving test is nothing.

5. On a positive note, it was a euphoric moment when I saw Anuar Zain on TV singing Ketulusan Hati. I'm playing the CD (which my indulgent Husband bought for me last month) over and over again now. *melts*