A Woman of Nice Substance

After days of internal questioning, I've figured out the problem that kept me awake at night.

 

I fear that I am becoming substance-less.

 

When I look at others, I realise that besides having great brains (which then makes me feel like a retard), they also have beliefs and values that they strongly hold to.

 

Me?

 

I am never militant about my beliefs - be they religion, breastfeeding, service quality, you get the idea. Never.

 

Then, there's the realisation that I am actually a boring person. I listen to people but I don't provide quality comments, opinions or advice. I'm just a listener, a sponge.

 

There was once The Husband told me, after I related my experience with him, that my behaviour was okay because it was important to have principles. And now, I can't even remember what had irked me so much that I stood my ground.

 

But, that's the thing about me. Even if something annoyed me, I would (normally) just keep it to myself and tell The Husband about it later. I do not stand up for my beliefs.

 

Which then reminds me about something that happened in Secondary 4 when my English teacher made us think of adjectives that alliterate with our names. Not being able to think of any adjectives which really applied to me, I said, I am Nice Nad. And Miss Lim Q F immediately banned the word Nice, because 'nice' is - I can't remember what exactly she said - meaningless, or something like that. So, I think I said I was Narcissistic Nad, which I'm not because I really don't care much about my appearance. But I couldn't put my name together with any other adjectives beginning with N - necrophiliac? narcotic? nasty?

 

Anyway, nice.

 

Nice people are boring and spineless.

 

Is that what I am?

 

Perhaps.