Weaning Ways

Part 2 of my attempt to wean Huda off breastmilk (this is for raggedyanne, whose nunu is a hantu t*t*k)

I told myself to diligently jot down the amount of milk that she drinks, what time it is, how long it takes to finish that amount, whether she can finish the amount etc BUT, this 'myself' who's tasked with the job simply made mental notes and nothing, absolutely nothing, on paper. Sigh. Now, how on earth am I supposed to crunch the data and figure out the whats, whens, whys and hows of weaning with no statistical back-up? Nad, you cow.

So far, I've fed her goat milk (stinks; but she liked it), Pediasure (nope), Nan 3 (okay in small amounts) and Dugro 1 Plus (she finished it but only if spoonfed). Each time I put in 2 moderately heaped teaspoons of the milk powder and added water til it reached the 100ml mark on the Avent bottle. Why Avent? Because, someone told me that the teats are big and if the kids can be duped, they can think that the silicone stuff around their lips is their mothers' breasts. (Sidetrack a bit - can those who've had silicone implants breastfeed?)

Day 3 of Weaning is okay. In the morning, she took about 40ml of Nan 3, spoonfed. And in the afternoon 80ml of Dugro 1 Plus. (I was supposed to make 100ml but I stopped pouring water at the 80ml mark and hmmm... I dunno leh? Why I never go on to 100, ah? \bimbo)

She also did not nurse to sleep. Hooray! Ah, this one is another story. For the past few weeks, in preparation for that one day when I would start weaning Huda off, I have stopped nursing Huda to sleep. In the past, it would be me spending an hour or more, lying down in the room, breastfeeding Huda. But, a few weeks ago, I would feed her in the living room and when she's had her fill, I'd pass her to The Husband who would make her sleep (by gripping her tightly, completely preventing her from moving about, tolerating her 140-decibel cries) and she would sleep in 10 minutes or less. Such miracle!

Of course, some days, she would fall asleep while being nursed in the living room. I think she purposely fell asleep to avoid her father's Sleep Grip (registered trademark).

So, where was I?

On Day 1, after she took in even more milk at 2am in the morning (errrrrr... I practically sat on her, stuffed the bottle into her mouth and held her head in place using my knees - do I hear the sound of someone calling some ministry to complain about child abuse? :PPPPPP), she fell asleep again. As I looked at her innocent sleeping face, I started feeling the pangs of guilt and overwhelming feeling of sadness that mothers who have successfully weaned their children feel. I questioned myself, doubted my decision, almost regretted my decision, thought of not going through with my decision. Sigh. Why is it so difficult?

I initially thought I had gone through hell when I tried to make Huda latch on direct after her 1 and half month stint in the hospital. But, no. Hell is weaning. The process is tough but the battle you have to wage within yourself is worse. Feelings vacillate from hour to hour. Like, now. I'm engorged. Should I just let her have the freshest milk possible? Or should I persist and let her have bottled milk? I can't bring myself to hand-express and see all the milk wasted. Gaaaaaaaaahhh!!!

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Psssssst - For those who shudder at my liberal use of the word breast, sorry hor? But childbirth and breastfeeding (and having the lactation consultant knead your breasts like it's some prata dough) will desensitise you. Breasts are not so sexual anymore. They are merely milk bottles. Only better. So convenient. No sterilising needed. Milk is fresh all the time. Sigh. There I go again.