A.Z.

 

Just this morning, I was telling The Husband that if Anuar Zain were to have a concert in Singapore again, I will buy the front-row seats the moment the tickets are released.

A few moments ago, my sister called. She heard on the radio that he's having a concert on the 7th of March. 7th of March??! I'm still very, very breastfeeding leh!!!! How to run off to a concert?

Then, the cogs in my brain started whirring real fast. I'll get a room at the Hyatt (where the concert is), beg my kind sister to babysit the 2 kids there, then off to the concert and should Farah cry for milk, I'll just have to disappear for 30 minutes, feed her and come back to my front-row seat. Heheeeee...

Now, I'll check if the front row seats are available. If they are not, then, well.. it's just not meant to be.

All I Want Are Rain and Patience

Slightly more than a week into motherhood-round-two, life has changed very much and at the same time, not changed at all. :perplexed:

(I realise that by the time I finish this, it would already be 2 weeks of motherhound-round-two.)

1. I Turned Mad

My 4-day stay at the hospital coincided with Huda experiencing a terrible bout of cough. She would have a long coughing fits in the middle of the night which would leave her all tired and cranky the next day because of a lack of sleep. Her naps were also similarly interrupted so she never could make up for the lack of sleep at night with a longer nap in the day. She was always asking for me. Her appetite was affected, of course.

When I finally came home, she was still suffering from her cough.

I'm not *that* particular about many things but I will turn into quite a monster if she refuses to eat. It doesn't help that I was feeling all hot and bothered after childbirth - what with the pain from the c-section, the abdominal binder which made my stomach too warm, the perpetual smell of stale milk, the extra heat gained from having to use breast pads to soak up the leaky milk and to top it off so perfectly, the unbearably hot weather - my patience with her was at its thinnest. And she refused her dinner completely. Not once, but twice. And I lost it with her. Not once, but twice.

That was not a moment (or rather, moments) I was proud of. I was really raging mad. As in, raging mad. If I could have looked at myself from a distance, I would definitely have seen steam coming out from my ears.

Besides not eating, she simply wanted to be Miss Contrary. If you tell her to do something, she will do something else. I took her to the polyclinic with me for Farah's check-up and all she wanted to do there was lift up her shirt and show the entire world her stomach and chest. My sister and I tried to stop her but she refused, of course. She also removed her shoes and put them between her knees. She refused her baths but when she's finally in the toilet, refused to get out. Her cousin wanted the gate to be opened while she insisted that it should be closed. When I tried to bait her away from the gate with her princess-themed dress that she loved so much, she suddenly refused the dress (which she had been talking about non-stop the entire day). You get the idea, don't you?

I'm not sure whether Huda being difficult was due to her cough alone or a combination of her cough + the presence of Farah + my absence for 4 days... but I know that my reaction (to her not eating) was not normal by my standards. I am normally a lot more patient and do not turn into a raving mad lunatic so easily.

Anyway, I have since become a lot saner and got some of my patience back. She's also getting better and her coughing fits have ended after a trip to KK and being put on the Ventolin puff. It's great that I'm putting up at my parents' place for now where there are more people around to help me with the two girls since The Husband's job is keeping him in the office til late on some days.

2. Huda

Huda does not show signs of violence towards Farah. Maybe, not yet. YC has told me plenty of stories about how her firstborn treats the younger one. One of the stories involves the older one kicking the younger one off the parents' bed. Scary, or what? So, everyone is observing Huda closely when she gets near Farah and so far, so good. However, there was that one day when Huda had a purple pen and she wanted to draw on Farah's head. And, that same day, she tried to push Farah's head away while I was feeding Farah. That was frightening. So, close monitoring still necessary. YC also told me that sibling rivalry takes many forms, not just violence towards the little kiddo. I have a lot of reading up to do.

3. Feeding

Farah is on breastmilk for now. But she did have a bit of formula milk on the night of her birth. I was supposed to feed Farah a second time. The nurse came with Farah and she raised my bed. The bed was almost 90 degrees. Then I felt a wave of nausea bubbling up my throat. I started to vomit the lunch I had in school. After that, I still wanted to feed Farah but another round of vomiting ensued. So, in the end, I consented to Farah drinking formula milk while I tried to sleep through the night. (Which I couldn't because I kept on having dreams which involved me doing some physically-exhausting activities like running up and down the staircases in school, running across a wide open field etc etc etc.. )

The next morning, I tried again and with no vomiting, I was allowed to feed her. I would only say I was successful at feeding her after the lactation consultant came and taught me how to feed Farah using the football-hold position.

However, Farah, like her sister, does not seem to have a voracious appetite. She stayed on either side for no longer than 10 minutes and refused the other side after unlatching herself. At the hospital, she was forced to drink milk every 3 hours. The nurses would un-swaddle her, change her diapers and basically disturb her until she wakes up and cry. When her mouth was wide open, I'd just pop her source of milk into her mouth and she'd suckle away.

But, at home, she got even more comfortable. Even after changing her diapers and removing the swaddler, she would continue to sleep. I've tried everything I can think of but if she refuses to open her mouth, how can I feed her? In the end, I am engorged and I have to pump out my milk. Thankfully, Huda will unknowingly drink the milk I pumped out; she doesn't know what she's drinking.  

Still, I don't think I should worry about Farah's drinking habit. She produces the required minimum of 3 poos and 6 pees a day so that means she's getting enough milk. It's also great to know that she has gained almost 500g in one week.

4. Confinement Rituals

Errrr... almost none? I know that some people swear by it and say that observing the confinement rituals will ensure good health in future. But, I can't possibly wrap myself up llike it's winter when the weather is this unbearable. And, ultimately, my sanity is a thousand times more important. However, I do try to eat food which is suitable for a woman in confinement - less spicy food, avoid that chilli crab and the like. I have not gone out other than to the polyclinic for Farah's jaundice. Not so much because I am really observing the confinement rules but because I get so tired so easily.

I hope all this tiredness will go away after I've had my massage. I don't know when that is because I'm still shortlisting the makcik urut. I think I will do it after my check-up with my gynae next Wednesday. Or maybe, I'll start next Monday and not have it on Wednesday when I have my check-up.

5. My Physical Self

I still have my double chin. Wobbly wobbly. My tummy is still there too. Wobbly wobbly. And well, you can just call me Ms Wobbles.

6. The Big Move

I am preparing myself to move back to my place by the beginning of next month. The one thing which I have to seriously prepare myself for is the cooking. So, now I am writing down a menu for breakfast, lunch and dinner for at least 3 weeks. (Writing down the menu is one thing; cooking it is another story...)

Oh, and, of course, there's the issue with the lift. WHEN WILL IT EVER BE READY?! The Husband has been making trips back home to pick up stuff and he does not have an optimistic outlook on the lift situation. Argh!

My Firstborn

Yati & Suraya - this is my reply to the facebook tag thing.

 

 

1. WAS YOUR FIRST PREGNANCY PLANNED?

Yes. 2 years of child-free life before baby makes an appearance.

2. WHAT WERE YOUR REACTIONS?

Grateful to Allah for the precious gift.

3. HOW OLD WERE YOU?

That was '05. So, I was 28.

4. HOW DID YOU FIND OUT YOU WERE PREGNANT?

Home pregnancy test kit. And after that, a trip to the GP nearby to confirm it. (Suraya, I wish I had visited the polyclinic! Didn't realise that it would have been so much cheaper!)

5. WHO DID YOU TELL FIRST?

The Husband.

6. DID YOU FIND OUT THE SEX?

Yes. It’s a girl!

7. DUE DATE?

26 April 2006. (And I will not forget this due date cos it’s also Murniyati’s birthday.)

8. DID YOU HAVE MORNING SICKNESS?

Did I? Oh goodness. I didn’t have morning sickness. I had all-day-and-night sickness. It was absolutely horrifying. Lasted ‘til 5 months, after which it was just occasional, sporadic vomiting.  

9. WHAT DID YOU CRAVE? .

Nothing!! Which was terribly annoying. Because I’ve prepared The Husband for 3am trips to hunt for roti prata but it never materialised.

.

10. WHO/WHAT IRRITATED YOU THE MOST?

Smell of food. Any food.

11. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CHILD'S SEX?

Girl.

12. DID YOU WISH YOU HAD THE OPPOSITE SEX OF WHAT YOU WERE GETTING?
Not at all. I didn’t really care what the gender was. I just wanted a healthy baby.

13. HOW MANY KILOS DID YOU GAIN THROUGHOUT THE PREGNANCY?

8 kg.

.

14. DID YOU HAVE A BABY SHOWER?
Nope.

15. WAS IT A SURPRISE OR DID YOU KNOW?
It was not surprising that I didn’t have a baby shower cos I’m not really into these things. :P

16. DID YOU HAVE ANY COMPLICATIONS DURING YOUR PREGNANCY?

Where do I begin? Hahaa! Naaahh.. not really that bad. I just had a super-small baby. IUGR, that’s what the condition is called. Intra-Uterine Growth Retardation. And, between week 32 and 33, the baby didn’t grow at all so I was hospitalised.

.

17. WHERE DID YOU GIVE BIRTH?

KK Hospital. And I am so glad I chose KK because the staff at NICU and SCN took care of Huda so well. And the follow-up care is just as excellent.

18. HOW MANY HOURS WERE YOU IN LABOUR?

I wasn’t in labour at all although I was stuck in the labour ward for one good week of my life.

19. WHO DROVE YOU TO THE HOSPITAL?

I was hospitalised after my Week 33 check-up and I think I got to the hospital by cab so it was the taxi driver who drove me there.

20. WHO WATCHED YOU GIVE BIRTH?

A couple of doctors (not my gynae cos I had to downgrade so my gynae could not attend to me), an anaesthetist, the anaesthetist’s understudy, some nurses – one of whom is a friend of mine.

21. WAS IT NATURAL OR C-SECTION?

C-section. That’s why there were so many people.

.

22. DID YOU TAKE MEDICINE TO EASE THE PAIN?

Is it possible to do a C-section without any medication?

23. HOW MUCH DID YOUR CHILD WEIGH?

1.136 kg

24. WHEN WAS YOUR CHILD ACTUALLY BORN?

16 March 2006. Her birthday is coming!

25. WHAT DID YOU NAME HIM/HER? 

Huda. Yup, only Huda. No Nur, Siti, Nurul, Muhammad, Abdullah etc. We like to keep things simple.

26. HOW OLD IS YOUR FIRST BORN TODAY?

2 years, 11 months.

 

 

And She's Out!

This is extremely long. I am typing out everything I remember so that years from now, I will know exactly what happened on 9 February 2009. It is extremely long. It is not exciting. It will make you sleep. (And Liza, it wont make you cry.)

--

On 9th February, after school, I went to KK for my 37th week check-up. I was still, of course, hoping for a natural delivery but knew that a Caesarian section may just have to be performed.

When I got there, I did the normal routine tests but the blood pressure machine couldn't read my blood pressure because it was a bit on the low side. Low blood pressure was pretty much the norm throughout this pregnancy but since it did not cause blackouts or fainting spells, it was not a cause for alarm. While waiting for the CTG test to be performed, I was called into the doctor's room first. So I went in and she asked how things were. I told her about my vomiting/diarrhoea episode that happened a few days earlier. Other than that, things were okay. She asked about foetal movement and I admitted that I did not feel much movements for the past two days and only about one or two weak kicks that day. I suppose that was normal too considering that there's not much space in the womb for the baby to move around.

But, the gynae immediately told me that that could be worrying. She's concerned about, among other things, the umbilical cord being entangled around the baby's neck. So, she said, "Like that, we must deliver her soon, ah?"

And I asked, "Err, how soon?"

I think she didn't hear me because she then gathered some forms and started to furiously fill in the forms and told me to get the CTG done and then come back to see her. I was aware that soon could mean that very afternoon but I was really, really hoping that soon meant late in the week so that I would have more time to prepare Huda, hand over everything at work properly and go for my final brazilian (I don''t want the nurses to shave me).

I called The Husband and told him that I might have to deliver that very day and he was completely unprepared. He had tonnes of work to finish that day and was already planning to come back late.

I went for the CTG and went back to the doctor's office. I asked her again what soon meant. The answer? "Today. As soon as the Operating Theatres are ready."

Gulp.

Reality sank in. As she prepared the drip, I quickly sent text messages to The Husband and my HOD in school. That was around 4.30pm. The Husband would finish off his work, zoom home to pick up the hospital bag and other stuff, to my mom's to say hi and bye to Huda plus pick up more stuff and finally to to the hospital.

Meanwhile, I was wheeled to my room and changed into the operation gown. Lovely white and bright pink, it was. I was informed that they were waiting for one of the Operation Theatres to be free and when I asked for an estimate, the nurse told me that it would be in about half an hour or so. Time: 6pm. The Husband was not there yet.

6.30pm. A nurse came to take me to the OT. Husband still not there yet. I called him and told him that I would see him after I deliver. I had to say goodbye to my contact lenses. Blind as a bat, I walked with the nurse to the Operating Theatre and waited at the Patients-Only-Waiting-Area. Sigh. Patients Only. No hope of seeing The Husband before the operation. The anaesthetist came and asked me some questions. Suddenly, the doors swung open and The Husband appeared. He made it. The anaesthetist told us it was a very, very busy day at the OT because so many people opted to do their elective C-section on that day. Lucky date, she presumed. Before I knew it, I was whisked to Operating Theatre 5 and for the seven millionth time, I was asked my name and my IC number.

The nurses started preparing me for the operation and I started shivering uncontrollably. That happened when I had Huda too. I actually had the audacity to ask for the thermostat to be increased then. But of course, they couldn't as the place had to be kept as cool as possible to minimise bacteria growth and other similarly unsavoury stuff.

I like the anaesthetist whose name I didn't know. All I know is she sounded like a Filipino. She has this dry sense of humour about her and was motherly and comforting without intending to be so. She first sent a jab up my spine to numb the area so that they could put in the epidural + anaesthetic. At that point in time, I wondered why I put myself through that and I was quite sure that this #2 will be the last one. (Apparently, 99% of women said that at various points of the birthing process but that didn't stop the world's population from increasing.)

The doctors then started pinching my legs to find out if I could feel anything. I could still wriggle my toes and lift my legs. I was so worried that I would need more than a local anaesthesia for this one - which was the case for my sister's third c-section cos she could feel the doctors pinching her tummy. But, soon, my legs were as heavy as lead.

I soon felt tugging in my lower abdomen and knew they have already cut me up. One of the doctors actually knelt on the operating table and I saw her trying her mighty best to pull something out. At that point, I was so grateful for anaesthetic.

Then, I heard a cry. Farah was out. Somebody then showed Farah to me. And in my semi-blind state, all I saw were 4 limbs and a head attached to a body. Good enough.

After that, it was the long wait. I waited for the gynae to stitch me up. Then I waited in the recovery room for my senses to come back. All the time, I was comparing what I was experiencing at that point with what I experienced some 3 years ago. Then, I had absolutely no sense of time, being woken up in the middle of the night to have the operation done. But, this time round, I knew exactly what time it was because I kept asking the nurse. I have no idea why that was important to me.

One thing that I kept on thinking about when I was lying down in the recovery area was that I had to get better really fast (a) because I need to start breastfeeding Farah and (b) because Huda needs her mommy. I willed my legs to move and for my body to get rid of the anesthesia soonest.

By 9.25pm, I was wheeled out of the recovery room and The Husband was outside waiting for me. He told me about Farah but just like what it was 3 years ago, my mind was very hazy and I did not register much of what he was telling me.

10pm. Farah was sent to me. I finally had a chance to hold her. I could hold her and feed her. And fed her I did.

Week 37

And so here I am, at KK hospital, waiting for the time to be wheeled to the operating theatre.

Do make plenty of prayers that Farah and I will be fine. Amin.

Week 36...

... and still pregnant!! Woooooohooooooooooooooooo!!!

Farah has been growing very rapidly! She's now a respectable 2.3kg and is now on the 25th centile. Yayyyy! I no longer have to consider downgrading. Yipppeeeeee!!! (I was whining to The Husband last week about staying in the sea-class ward where evil nurses lurk and make me feel like crying...)

Now that she's okay, I no longer have to go for weekly scans. I just have to see my gynae weekly. I have not chosen a date for the C-sect because I still want to try for normal delivery. Let's hope that that's possible. But, I think by W38 if there's no sign of labour, I will schedule a C-section. In the meantime, I'll continue going to work and walk and walk and walk and walk to induce labour.

I'm hoping for the birth to only happen from next week onwards so that my maternity leave will end only in the first week of the June holidays. Heh.

-

An hour ago, I felt terribly breathless. I was telling The Husband to look out for bluish lips and nails and started googling for step-by-step CPR. Then, I realised that my pants were rather tight and when I changed to more comfortable bottoms, I felt so free and could breathe easily. Alarmist + Bimbo = Me.

Other than that, it's the same-ol-same-ol pregnancy discomforts. Always feeling hot and uncomfortable. Muscle cramps. Backaches. Breathlessness (but not as bad as when I'm wearing tight pants). Baby headbutting my bladder and kicking my ribcage. And lately, sensitive skin! Gaaaaahhhh!!!! My legs and arms itch like mad these days. And the pimples that have not popped out ever since this little bub appeared are slowly making a reappearance. I have a cluster of FIVE pimples on my chin.

Okie dokie. That's all for now. Toodles!

 

Some Photos

From sometime last year..

I take *that* long to upload photos.

Big Sister Huda

Stuff about Huda which she may enjoy reading in future..

1. Her favourite colour is purple. She wants her purple shoes, purple T-shirts, purple pants, purple Yakult and purple panties. She drinks from her purple bottle and wants her father to buy her a purple crane (the machine, not the bird).

2. She's still in the process of toilet-training (as long as she gets to wear her purple panties - of which we only have two). She has no problem peeing in the toilet but she just can't poo in there. She will tell me that she wants to poo but 5 trips to the toilet later, still no poo. Put on her diapers and the poo just comes. Hmm.. This is a toughie. My mom suggested not giving in to her diaper demands but I'm afraid she'll be constipated.

3. She had another bout of stuffy nose and a whole lot of phlegm last week. One of the medicines prescribed was a nose spray to clear her nose. She hated this tremendously so we used it only when she couldn't breathe through her nose. Before her nap time in school, her teacher tried to persuade her into using the nose spray.

Teacher:   Huda, come. Let's use the nose spray.

Huda:       Huda tak nak lah. (I don't want lah.)

Teacher went on to extol the virtues of the nose spray.

Huda:       Huda dah tidur lah. (I've gone to sleep lah.)

She promptly lay on her mattress and pretended to sleep.

 

4. Talking about school - her grandfather sends her to school now that I'm back at school myself. In the earlier weeks, she will insist that her grandmother sends her as well but now she will sit at the backseat of the car AND she actually allows herself to be belted up! She also makes no attempts to unlock the door or hurl herself out of the car. Whew!

 

5. Her teacher reports that she is coping very well with school. She eats well and takes her naps without much fuss. She plays with her friends. On two occasions however, she scolded kids from the next class. *gulps* One was her own cousin who was extra clingy one day. The other one was a boy who was crying before their nap time. She - who can be extra noisy during nap time herself - actually had the audacity to walk to the next class and told the boy, "Diam!" And the boy actually kept quiet after that.

 

6. We do wish that she is a lot clearer in her pronunciation and enunciation of words but I suppose some children take a longer time to do this. Most of the times, if the /s/ sound appears at the beginning of the syllable, it will be pronounced as a /t/ sound. /s/ at the end of syllables are not mispronounced, though. I guess it's just bad speech habit. We try to make her say the words properly but once the word appears in a sentence, it gets mispronounced again. Hmm.. more time needed, perhaps.

 

7. She enjoys being read too. She will take books after books and get either her father or her mother to read them for her. I'm not too sure if she understands what we're reading because almost all the books are English storybooks and we speak mostly Malay to her. But, reading is good so we just do it. One of the many stories she enjoys is Puss in Boots. I'm pretty disturbed by this story because it's about a cat who lies and his master reaps huge rewards all thanks to the lies the cat tells.

 

8. She likes to choose her own clothes now. Grrrr.. This is a stage I don't like. She will choose a long-sleeve T-shirt on a scorching hot day AND she will want to wear a short-sleeve front-buttoning pyjamas top over that long-sleeve T-shirt. I'll be treated to howls of protests if I were to deny her requests. Of course, matching is never an issue for her. To her,cartoon prints go perfectly well with floral prints. And she would want to wear this when we go out. What will people think? Surely it's a form of abuse when you allow your children to go out of the house in horrifyingly mismatched clothing? :P

 

--

 

Of course, after I've posted his, I'll remember about 8 more things to write about but I'll save that for another day (if I can still remember them another day).

Running Out of Time

1. A respite! A respite!! I was granted a respite! Farah is still along the 3rd centile. The blood flow doesn't look that good either but things are not so bad that I had to be admitted or the baby had to be delivered immediately. However, the gynae asking me, "So, how? Today you want to beranak or not?" threw me off and brought me back to reality. Yes. I am going to give birth soon. I'm almost 35 weeks now. While I would prefer a natural birth, the gynae highlighted to me the unlikeliness of that happening. For one thing, inducing labour is not an option for tiny babes like Farah. So, we came to an agreement of sorts - that, if by the 37th week, nothing's happening, to the operating theatre we will go. I'll pick a date at the next check-up.

2. Having to go for weekly scans and check-ups now, I think I will see all of $0.42 cents in my salary next month. Each time I go for these things, I just flash my see-as card and everything will be deducted from my salary. Scans and check--ups don't come cheap and with at least 4 scans this month - ouch ouch ouch! I'm just glad that I'm not celebrating see-an-why otherwise, I'll be broke beyond belief.

3. At the end of every work day, I'll arrange the stuff I'm supposed to do the following day and write notes on each pile. I'm so afraid that I'll deliver the baby at night and people will not know where I've stopped and what to do with my charges.

4. The Husband is now in charge of clearing the wardrobe to make space for Farah's clothes. Good luck to him.

5. I've stopped watching The Little Nyonya online. I'm saving the rest of the episodes for my hospital stay.

6. Huda - I haven't talked much about her here lately. But, I think she will be okay with the little bub. We have already decided what to get her as a present (supposedly from Farah) - more Dora stuff. She has not watched a single episode of Dora yet she loves that character to bits.

7. Today, Huda's grandmother babysat her cousin, Farouq, and the little boy cried when he woke up from his nap. She tried to soothe Farouq and when she failed, she practicaly dragged her grandma into the room. So, I don't think she will make attempts to gouge Farah's eyes out when she's alone with her. (Well, I hope she won't!)

8. Hmm.. I thought I had quite a bit to say earlier but my memory being what it is, I can't recall what they were.

9. Now, I have a desire to poo but it's just phantom shit. Do forgive my very articulate self. Apparently that's a sign of labour but I'm just not feeling it. I have no idea what contractions feel like but those who have experienced it said that they are very, very painful. My stomach will get all hard but the pain is manageable. Besides, it's not even at regular intervals. So, I'll just wait it out and maybe, sometime in W37, I'll have my c-section.

10. Finally, have a happy Chinese New Year to all those who are celebrating it! And to those who aren't, it's a superduper loooong weekend. Rejoice, people!

Week 34

I am now 34 weeks, 3 days along and I am still pregnant! Alhamdulillah!

When I went for my check-up last week, I was haunted by the thought that I could very well be admitted if the baby's growth wasn't satisfactory. That was what happened almost 3 years ago with Huda. But, this little girl wants to stay in a lot longer and she showed it by putting on a bit of weight that week.

I was so relieved when the scans and CTG showed that all was well. Farah (that's her name!) was still smaller than her peers but not by so much this time round.

Being allowed to go home was a sign that I better get all the baby things ready: pack the hospital bag, sort and wash Farah's clothes, make space for Farah's clothes in the wardrobe..

At this point, two days away from my next check-up, my progress has been minimal. I've come up with a list of items for the hospital bag, Farah's clothes are in the washing machine now (like, finally!!) but space in the wardrobe - maybe I'll do that tomorrow..

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For the past few weeks, I have been feeling very very not-eloquent(?). I am going through my I-need-to-speak-Singlish phase. :P