Is It Me?

Why?

 

My first pregnancy was fraught with complications and my baby had to be delivered early because she wasn't growing well in my womb.

 

And now, a miscarriage.

 

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Allah knows best, I keep on telling myself.

December

This is the kind of nonsense she's up to some days.

She'll take the stools, turn them upside down and get in them. Other times, she'll push the stool towards the kitchen cabinet, climb up and up and up. I once found her on the kitchen cabinet, trying to work the toaster.

Tomorrow, I'm going back to work. And it is with this thought that I'm putting up these few pictures of Huda (and everyone else) taken in the past few weks. I will no longer have the time to update as and when I please - not that I do much updating to begin with...

When I came back to work after my maternity leave ended last year, I met a mum who just came back from one year of (no-pay) childcare leave. Unlike me at that time, she felt relieved to go back to work because her son was getting naughtier and naughtier, she said. Work was a welcome break. I had similar thoughts many times throughout the year when I just could not wait to go back to work. These thoughts crept in after full days of handling a sticky toddler who seemed glued to my hips throughout her waking hours.

But now that going back to work is a reality and is happening in approximately *gasp* 14 hours, I find myself unable to part with my bub.

No Top

Today, Huda refused her top. Every time I put it on, she'd pull it off.

I gave up.

Scared

Morning sickness is horrible.

I'm not pregnant. Yet. My sis-in-law is. And she is having quite a bad bout of morning sickness.

Who came up with this term - morning sickness? It doesn't happen in the morning only. It happens ALL the time!! You feel the nausea all day, don't you? And you vomit regardless of the time, don't you? (If you don't, please don't answer this because I'll just die of envy.)

I had terrible nausea and vomiting for some 5 to 6 months of my pregnancy.

Things were not too bad when I first discovered I was pregnant. I felt mostly bloated and slightly giddy when I took buses and taxis. I felt nauseous at times but managed to suppress the vomit. I even had the gall to say that, perhaps, all this vomiting that happens in pregnancy is all in the mind. If you want to suppress it, it can be done. Cocky like anything, I was.

Just mere days later, I started throwing up. It was so bad. I was throwing up everything I ate and more. We vomited in layers, a pregnant friend and I noted. (Both of us were pregnant at the same time and between us, we suffered almost 90% of all pregnancy ailments. She's pregnant again now and she's just waiting for me to join her.) If I eat rice, then some biscuits and then some ice cream and I vomit after that, the first wave of stuff to come out will be the ice cream, then, the biscuits and then the rice. After that, out will come all the greenish bile and yucky schmucky stuff that burns your throat.

(So, if anyone says that all the food you eat will get mixed in the stomach, well, I dont think so. I've got at least 5 months of vomit-analysis under my belt.)

I remembered that I started vomiting on a Thursday. The following Thursday, I was at work, feeling so exhausted because every single thing that I ate had come out. I was also so thirsty and I took a gulp of water. Miraculously, it remained inside. I took a taxi home and once I left the taxi, I had an urgent need to vomit and out came the water, then the bile.

I felt depressed after that, I went home and started crying because I was so thirsty and weak and yet couldn't keep anything down. The next day, something important was happening at work and I had to do something there so no matter what, I had better be there.

Unfortunately, I could barely get out of bed the next day. I practically crawled to the clinic near my block and the doctor sent me off to KK because I was dehydrated.

I was hospitalised and put on a drip. The doctor took 3 tries before he managed to find a vein. He said that when a person is dehydrated, the veins would collapse so it's difficult finding a suitable place to poke the needle. (Thank goodness he was cute. Otherwise, I would have used what's left of my energy to kick him each time he poked the needle.)

Oh. And this is not a randomly-titled blog. Looking at how bad my sis-in-law's morning sickness is, I'm reminded of my horrible time and now I'm feeling a bit jittery about getting pregnant again.

Luh-Ay-Zz-Ee

I've been speaking in phonics with Huda quite a bit.

What's that, Huda? That's a bus. Buh. Ah. Sssss. Bus! And this is an - umbrella! Ah. Mm. Buh. Rrr. Eh. Lll. Ah. Umbrella! And that's why one of her first words is umbrella. Because, every time I use the umbrella, I'll repeat my "Ah. Mm. Buh. Rrr. Eh. Lll. Ah. Umbrella!".

Yes, yes. I've not updated this little space of mine for quite a while. I've been addicted to Desktop Towers and it was only the past 4 days, when I went cold turkey (and I also went across the causeway) that I managed to overcome my addiction. Or so I hope. There may be a relapse, though. That's very likely the case.

One thing I've learnt from our most recent trip is that although Huda is already a big girl - at 20 months - we still must plan all our movements around her naps, lunch and dinner. And we must be back at the hotel room by her bedtime. She is a good traveller and does not get too fussy but the poor girl has rashes all over her face, presumably because of insufficient rest and poor eating habits over the past 4 days. For our next trip, the slow cooker will be carted along and the first stop will be the supermarket to buy all the supplies for her porridge.

Talking about porridge, one of my neighbours is always sharing porridge tips with me. She takes care of her grandchildren and she often gives me suggestions as to what I can put in my porridge. She has given me some cordycep stems and some small little red seeds - the packaging says boxthorn fruit - to add to Huda's porridge to build her immunity. So I've been adding these two items in Huda's porridge for the past few weeks. Recently, she has also started adding one green apple and strawberries into the porridge, along with kurau, chicken, broccoli, carrot and spinach. And, that's what I'm going to do too. Anything, anything to make my baby eat.

And yes yes yes. I'm going back to work in less than a month. Gaaaaahhhh!!! It's THAT soon!!! The Husband suggested that I take another half a year off but at that time I thought, never mind lah. I can go back to work for a year and see how things go. Now, I'm banging my head against the wall and asking why I gave up the opportunity to be a pseudo-taitai. Sigh. But too late for regrets now.

I hear sounds coming from the room. The Little Girl is awake, I'm sure. Til next time!

 

Days in November, an expansion

I love November.

I love how it sounds. The /n/, /v/, /m/ & /b/ sounds just pleasantly rolling off your tongue.

I love the weather in November. The rainy season has begun but it's not all wet all the time. There'll be a spot of sun but it's never too harsh to burn the skin.

Years ago, November meant that it's time to bury the books cos the school year is almost over and it's just play, play and more play time. Not too long ago, November meant that the school year is (still) almost over and it's time to discard the lesson plans and it's just play, play and more play time.

But November also makes me feel melancholic. I'll think of the friends I've lost touch with. Yanni & Xiuling from Crescent. Sharifah Ainal. Shu Jiun & Shamus from JJC. 

In the past, November also meant that I'll have all the time in the world to write letters to friends. I used to do that a lot. I enjoy writing letters and receiving replies. I enjoy sitting down for hours writing to them. I enjoy reading the replies and then writing back. And sometimes, when I'm too free, I'll read the letters I've received.

Then December comes.

December means that I'm finally free ftom the shackles of work but it also means the boring 'ol school life will start all over again soon. And by December, I will try to pack my days with as much activities as possible to ensure that I won't regret the passing of the holidays when January's here. There will be no time for melancholy. It'll be fun, fun and more fun all the way through. Until the middle of December, of course when (after I've started working), I realise that there's a lot of unfinished work and I'll try to squeeze in some work into my days and nights. No more melancholy; just wondering what on earth happened to my holidays?

Overdue Stuff

I am getting terribly lazy about updating things. I don't have a good enough excuse. Oh, wait! I know - the PC's slow! Good enough?

Anyway, here's a snapshot of things that happened in the past few months.

Old Fogey

This has got to be one of the biggest signs that I'm growing older and that my brain cells are rapidly depleting.

The Husband bought me a new phone a month ago, a few days before Hari Raya. Having been used to the workings of a Sony-Ericsson phone for almost 2 years, I had a bit of a trouble adjusting to a Nokia and so when Selamat Hari Raya messages started to pour in, I could only reply almost a week after Hari Raya.

And now, a good one month after the phone's arrival, I am finally putting songs in it and splitting songs for my ringtones. Thank goodness I got to that! For a while, I thought I was gonna stick with the ringtones provided by Nokia (which would make me a super old old old fogey). I used to do these things immediately. The moment I get a new phone, I'll read the manual from cover to cover and then play with the new toy for days and days. But now, these things can wait, I suppose.

Oh, and the phone came with a 2GB memory stick (what do you call such things cos memory stick is sony's, right?) but The Husband used that for his own phone. So, as I copied songs to the phone, I told The Husband that I wanted the 2GB stick-thing back so that I could put a gajillion songs into the phone and he could have the 256MB schtick that was in my phone. Then, The Husband took a look at all the songs I wanted to copy into my phone. Total space needed = 76.8MB. Wahahahahaaaaaaaa!!! Not only am I turning into an old fart real fast, I am also having a waning interest in pop music and all sorts of pop culture stuff which is traditionally, a young-people thing.

I might as well accept old age with open arms.

November is Here Again

I love November.

I love how the word November just glides out of your mouth. Unlike April, which must be spat out or February which can be a bit of a tongue-twister.

But, November is a lovely combination of sounds.

I love November. Yet November's always the period when I feel melancholic. It must be the weather, I guess. When it's rainy, it somehow makes the heart feel heavy.